Monday, February 9, 2009

Off Topic: Dead Rising 2


If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a little zombiedom nerdgasm over here.

Dead Rising 2

I predicted that it would be in sort of resort community, but Vegas works just as well, if not better. Check out the showgirl zombies.

Here's hoping that there is no annoying janitor calling you on the walkie while you desperately fight of brain eaters, then having the nerve to get all indignant at you for hanging up because a soccer mom just ripped out your trachea. Thanks Otis. Thanks a lot.

Also, I want to go on the record as one of the tiny number of people who really liked the bathroom based save system. Sure it is inconvenient, but it added a lot of "oh shit, zombies" moments to a game that is more disposed to "oh good, zombies.... and a power auger." Not to mention the uniqueness of it. Even flawed, it is still nice to see any sort of experimenting with gameplay formulas in a big budget title.

Friday, February 6, 2009

The Internet is Fun and Useful

Please turn your attention to Diary of Fools for a moment and observe the newest electronic outpost for my expertise on these so-called "moving" pictures. The gears of hilarity are turning, and should soon add some much needed color and motion to your dreary, flickering monitor.

That or you could just go search for "dancing kitty" on YouTube.

Wait, no! Stick around.......

Damn. You've already gone, haven't you? If not, enjoy the synaptic meltdowns that are Polish Movie Posters:



Most foreign markets perform some sort of localization on promotional materials (aside from the obvious language changes) but those crazy Poles say "fuck it" to the studio's art assets and work their homemade brand of post-Soviet magic. If this is what they can do with films that have good poster art, imagine what they could be making out of the absolutely awful, designed-by-committee one-sheets that pollute our multiplexes with their innumerable, overphotoshopped floating-heads.

I'm totally buying the El Topo poster for my basement.

Check Well Medicated for more.

Basement Cinema - The Telephone Book

I have seen beyond the veil of our reality.

On the surface, this obscure gem of the early seventies could be seen as a particularly unhinged, soft-core porno, but these labels do The Telephone Book no justice. Both laugh out loud funny and beguilingly intelligent, it is an exponentially better film than the Rene Zellweger claptrap which my bleeding eyes were recently forced to endure.

Expect a full write-up, just as soon as I can reassemble my shattered brainbone. For now, chew on the following teaser:




R.I.P. Har Poon (1918-2008)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Thoughts on the Original Killdozer!

So, as she stood, Daisy Etta was broken and useless. These soft persistent bipeds had built her, and if they were like any other race that built machines, they could care for them. The ability to reverse the tension of a spring, or twist a control rod, or reduce to zero the friction in a nut and lock-washer, was not enough to repair the crack in a cylinder head nor bearings welded to a crankshaft in an overheated starting motor. There had been a lesson to learn. It had been learned. Daisy Etta would be repaired, and the next time--well, at least she would know her own weaknesses.

-Killdozer! (1944)


That dozer is one patient badass. Now that I have finally gotten around to reading the novella, I have to admit, killer self-running bulldozers seem a lot more threatening. In real life they are clunky and slow. In the movie, being operated by remote control or a guy otherwise off camera, the dozer is extra-super clunky and slow. In Theodore Sturgeon's prose the damn thing is completely aware of the position and momentum of its every individual component. Much contractor jaw-dropping is made from how the beast, nick-named Daisy Etta, can instantly shift its gears in a manner impossible for a human operator. It's downright graceful.

Like most adaptations of its kind, Killdozer! the book and movie hit all the same basic beats, with the non-text version missing some important detail. For instance, in the dozer v. bucket battle, the same basic actions take place, only with the added perspective of inside the hero's skull, as he tries to smash Killdozer's radiator or choke its air intakes with gravel. I'm not sure how the movie could have ever brought across what the two combatants are attempting, sans an interior monologue or NFL style diagrams.


Minus the context, you are merely left with two machines pushing against each other.

Additionally, the story has a prologue explaining where the dozer animating force came from, and a strange epilogue wherein a deus-ex-machina comes along, not to save them from Daisy Etta, who they have already slain, but to rescue them from having to explain what the hell happened to all the smooshed people. Turns out a freak missile accident blows up half the island, covering up all evidence of Killdozer's spree. The survivors agree to never speak of it again lest folks think that they have the crazy. Go figure.

If you're interested in Killdozer's origin, here again is the entire Marvel Comics adaptation. Basically it's the CliffsNotes version.

Oh yeah, one of the guys goes crazy and tries to join forces with Killdozer against the other humans. Makes sense, I guess.

Oh yeah (part two), the phrase "violet nimbus" is quite awesome. When I finally break down and buy Rock Band, I will be naming my band Violent Nimbus. (Provided there isn't enough space for "Bag of Crushed Child.")

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Japanese Ghosts + Monkeys =

Defiling your trousers with terror (and poo).



I sure hope my computer's up-to-date Japanese Ghost Blocker™ can handle this unholy union of simian and Yūrei.

Mad Props to Kindertrauma for the find.