tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6516849297166925672024-03-12T23:59:13.976-05:00Video UpdatesSmart writing about dumb cinema. Occasionally the reverse. Beware of Spoilers.Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.comBlogger111125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-89704923830697386762021-10-06T16:14:00.000-05:002021-10-06T16:23:50.899-05:00Watch The Chairman for Free<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmXsIZ_ioaVbd5Qf8540FnTEJ5RwnZHTm8LH8J0dGC7rgx8pRXKN5CN5eGnOzmUeTmZh3mveyq7nDe-3gMzWrLHwdWHr-7I-GQYHeD8T0NpXmU7qm0N-AkU8Uu4kwf82msF58liGIdv0Hv/s1600/Chairman+VOD+Poster_Tall.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: left;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmXsIZ_ioaVbd5Qf8540FnTEJ5RwnZHTm8LH8J0dGC7rgx8pRXKN5CN5eGnOzmUeTmZh3mveyq7nDe-3gMzWrLHwdWHr-7I-GQYHeD8T0NpXmU7qm0N-AkU8Uu4kwf82msF58liGIdv0Hv/w150-h200/Chairman+VOD+Poster_Tall.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>Good news, everyone: this Saturday at 8:00pm central time, The Chairman will be unleashed on YouTube for free. I will be there in the premiere chat to hang out and answer questions, and am always interested in hearing audience feedback. So come kick off the (nearly?) post plague spooky season with our low key horror movie about the intersection of late capitalism and the supernatural.<div><br /></div><div>If you happen to be in Northeast Wisconsin on the 9th, there is one last chance to catch The Chairman on the big screen at the <a href="https://sawdustcityfrightfest.com">Sawdust City Fright Fest</a> in Oshkosh. Check out a curated selection of midwestern horror filmmakers, and listen to <a href="https://sawdustcityfrightfest.com/index.php/scff-events/2021-scff-curated-fright-fest/interview-with-the-chairman-director-frank-white/">an interview with me</a> about the film.</div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you once again to the incredible cast and crew that brought The Chairman to life, as well as the festival programers and audiences that supported us along the way.</div><div><br /></div><div>Awards:</div><div>Cinepocalypse 2018 - Best Actor: Al Clemente Saks</div><div>Cinepocalypse 2018 - Best Actress: Bianet Diaz</div><div>Northern Frights 2018 - Best Editing, Best VFX</div><div>Motor City Nightmares 2019 - Best Horror Short</div><div>Cardiff Mini Film Fest 2019 - Winner: International Twisted Tales</div><div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/70nTc2UeSr0" width="400" youtube-src-id="70nTc2UeSr0"></iframe></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-11053000180736799652019-09-25T13:41:00.001-05:002019-09-25T13:41:32.730-05:00The River's on Fire<iframe allow="autoplay; fullscreen" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="225" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/350226617" width="400"></iframe><br />
Since I didn't get all the analog glitch art out of my system with <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/search/label/The%20Chairman">The Chairman</a>, I helped make this cool music video for <a href="https://mapleandbeech.com/">Maple & Beech</a>.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-34110672329058856582019-05-11T16:08:00.002-05:002019-05-13T11:33:19.301-05:00Watch The Chairman<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfVC3UfI4MTxJtOh_7tIJbbJXQ73-uiVE9u_-QtwmV2sxvhScd75uii7q-2jbR8QjY6nSw6KHL4nJ9HNyLWTEKIzi3PXPzGpi3nibTfEpEp4eZUdVBWfLx645I8aJ84WUx9sO8vaahCpoL/s1600/The+Chairman+Laurels+Amazon+Prime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfVC3UfI4MTxJtOh_7tIJbbJXQ73-uiVE9u_-QtwmV2sxvhScd75uii7q-2jbR8QjY6nSw6KHL4nJ9HNyLWTEKIzi3PXPzGpi3nibTfEpEp4eZUdVBWfLx645I8aJ84WUx9sO8vaahCpoL/s400/The+Chairman+Laurels+Amazon+Prime.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Chairman - Retro Horror Short</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RN1SYH7">The Chairman is now available to stream on Amazon Prime!</a><br />
<br />
Hey you, watch my short film. People say it's weird, and usually they mean in a good way. Imagine if Verhoeven was as big a fan of Nigel Kneal as Carpenter is, or maybe if Kneal hated yuppies more than hippies. Now turn that into a low budget movie by a big nerd from Minnesota.<br />
<br />
Give it a rating or a review if you can. The algorithmic gods demand engagement before they will dare push unproven content to the masses.<br />
<br />
Also check out the <a href="https://ogresound.bandcamp.com/album/the-chairman">original analog synth soundtrack</a> by OGRE<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="225" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8nUuWJESWrQ" width="400"></iframe><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-85985702407380442472018-08-06T22:05:00.002-05:002019-01-15T20:24:11.178-06:00The Chairman (2018)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMpey_oYSF0GFAby554Y8YWv-KksyFZq7Uo_kkByb_1BiAjOUHBGOOZEE2TBmhk81pv-0-oYbzK11VlPArR9aocxMVN7Ur7v6nvMfk9fH965Hhuvtt9hfuSd9ddHTCoZPG92qmCKo1_Uqu/s1600/The+Chairman_Blogsize.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="304" data-original-width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMpey_oYSF0GFAby554Y8YWv-KksyFZq7Uo_kkByb_1BiAjOUHBGOOZEE2TBmhk81pv-0-oYbzK11VlPArR9aocxMVN7Ur7v6nvMfk9fH965Hhuvtt9hfuSd9ddHTCoZPG92qmCKo1_Uqu/s1600/The+Chairman_Blogsize.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Chairman is a retro sci-fi/horror short about the intersection of business, media, and the supernatural.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Unsanctioned by the board of directors at their powerful multinational, The Pantheon Group, Joy and her supervisor, Vincent, run an experiment on telepathic abilities. Katie, an unwilling research subject and powerful psychic antenna, prepares to silence the chaos in her head by drowning. Her father Miguel, held in a nearby warehouse, must intervene by contacting his daughter telepathically, or watch her drown via hidden cameras. When the experiment is ultimately interrupted by a call from corporate headquarters, Joy must return to the office and face her reclusive, unnatural employer, the Chairman.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVkfM3dqUNoBTRaEWWMU9oNgj3BgVnHMTdlC2MfGn2zHowaoVvTUgo2ga-6oSMmeNrtnwp4obDqlHz2iNJseU3ZORwwAY-IFPwzzAyLdLE01iSQq0uwcT8ChIOSqhPwhv3fIOXhVucALdk/s1600/Still1_Blogsize.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVkfM3dqUNoBTRaEWWMU9oNgj3BgVnHMTdlC2MfGn2zHowaoVvTUgo2ga-6oSMmeNrtnwp4obDqlHz2iNJseU3ZORwwAY-IFPwzzAyLdLE01iSQq0uwcT8ChIOSqhPwhv3fIOXhVucALdk/s1600/Still1_Blogsize.jpg" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Chairman draws inspiration from a wide variety of 20th century genre material. From the cynical media </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">accelerationism of Paul Verhoeven to Nigel Kneal's scientifically recontextualized spiritualism, with hearty helpings of Cronenberg, Ballard, and even Kiyoshi Kurosawa. Beyond asthetics and nostalgia, it seeks to emulate retro horror at its most intellectual, a tradition from long before the phrase "elevated horror" emerged from the thinkpiece abyss.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqM0hlvYu4fymhlD7gG4IP5eaolPyWpR8AT9UNZi8xVvA3Jv2gCdUiJgj3KUnvUG4HT8Ma9Vun-U_I3p07T0_eKUsRKL8DCRUT6EvXgkHyu0UyxTXlSiV5Nf5VjHKzxIvHpXbHsARZ0mj/s1600/Still3_Blogsize.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqM0hlvYu4fymhlD7gG4IP5eaolPyWpR8AT9UNZi8xVvA3Jv2gCdUiJgj3KUnvUG4HT8Ma9Vun-U_I3p07T0_eKUsRKL8DCRUT6EvXgkHyu0UyxTXlSiV5Nf5VjHKzxIvHpXbHsARZ0mj/s1600/Still3_Blogsize.jpg" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Clocking in at twenty minutes (an epic length in the world of short films) The Chairman is densely packed with contributions from a wildly talented cast and crew. For the world premiere at Cinepocalypse 2018, the <a href="https://reelchicago.com/article/cinepocalypse-announces-2018-award-winners/">best short film actress and actor awards</a> were bestowed on Bianet Diaz and Al Saks for their roles as Katie and her father.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBSxUBLKdrRKCCzPy0V0PZYT7vr9XuVkCnxGyx7tI9eLULpfzfLF6WwEvNRLT08egCkeYmMaOf8OffNcjli0QxewYZ1tCDQt6YzXOqh3082idEZBBpYPBmpMJOulZcw-5QFCoJV_AyEGF9/s1600/Still4_Blogsize.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBSxUBLKdrRKCCzPy0V0PZYT7vr9XuVkCnxGyx7tI9eLULpfzfLF6WwEvNRLT08egCkeYmMaOf8OffNcjli0QxewYZ1tCDQt6YzXOqh3082idEZBBpYPBmpMJOulZcw-5QFCoJV_AyEGF9/s1600/Still4_Blogsize.jpg" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the second half of 2018 The Chairman played an additional eleven festivals, received four more award nominations, and won best editing and best visual effects at <a href="http://www.northernfrightsfestival.com/">Northern Frights</a>. The editing award is especially exciting for yours truly, as it's the first win for something I'm directly responsible for, so not only can I call it an award winning film, but I be insufferably smug and can call myself an award winning filmmaker.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2StrmFhUUHRu5pWIXemCh9rI4pNUc_2vualywMP3wuEikBD6gAup7eVn2I9U9GACiVuzk-Gqp8rP0p_m7NIXI9h8zq6rpqql1h86XXhEJ_c_ALoKHbeBW4EFTOXv-9gaNot2Yeucg_jZn/s1600/ChairmanLaurels800px.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2StrmFhUUHRu5pWIXemCh9rI4pNUc_2vualywMP3wuEikBD6gAup7eVn2I9U9GACiVuzk-Gqp8rP0p_m7NIXI9h8zq6rpqql1h86XXhEJ_c_ALoKHbeBW4EFTOXv-9gaNot2Yeucg_jZn/s320/ChairmanLaurels800px.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">While the film's eventual release on VOD/VHS is waiting for its festival run to wrap up, you can check out its trailer below, and enjoy the short's ghostly,</span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> analog synth score by UK composer </span><a href="https://ogresound.bandcamp.com/album/the-chairman" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">OGRE Sound</a><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ayb494FRyhs/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="225" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ayb494FRyhs?feature=player_embedded" width="400"></iframe>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 12.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-10530403998515382532017-09-23T23:04:00.000-05:002017-09-23T23:04:46.893-05:00The Chairman is always watching<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj72TpsZVxQhuthVTrZhEklvtEr8XJDsEUVBbiw42v6YLeZW5VdlJxX9KNZjEMEGZyBGf2lq2iNlX3kh6cpFe9NdaG_6nn_Ws1bq1tk9cKWP_3j1HO27bVT1JxLAZrFqhS3lSSfKs56DPDX/s1600/Diner+Cigarettes+Blogger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="231" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj72TpsZVxQhuthVTrZhEklvtEr8XJDsEUVBbiw42v6YLeZW5VdlJxX9KNZjEMEGZyBGf2lq2iNlX3kh6cpFe9NdaG_6nn_Ws1bq1tk9cKWP_3j1HO27bVT1JxLAZrFqhS3lSSfKs56DPDX/s1600/Diner+Cigarettes+Blogger.jpg" /></a></div>
Ladies and gentlemen, Video Updates is officially in the content™ business. Please refrain from burning yourself out on retro trash before you see our short around Halloween 2018.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidelvF0BnWfEQn7GX61TETZ-muQBZ9M7xNxD7EGHdO-B4kaS4eSQomX-joTrTVXcu7wNMqg5C4ltpF_xzLbJ3-DfHhfLbB10-whskiE5XdOTQt8XMwBq8NA_P6Drgr5Z9vsaWfj0zYXnDt/s1600/The+Chairman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidelvF0BnWfEQn7GX61TETZ-muQBZ9M7xNxD7EGHdO-B4kaS4eSQomX-joTrTVXcu7wNMqg5C4ltpF_xzLbJ3-DfHhfLbB10-whskiE5XdOTQt8XMwBq8NA_P6Drgr5Z9vsaWfj0zYXnDt/s1600/The+Chairman.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-2464423375203520642012-05-08T20:17:00.001-05:002012-05-10T15:48:34.860-05:00The Telephone Game (2011)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz74wYnFVUiEzOAN97zhKQYffPanQ62N_x_7i7SKhYak96b5Wl3FXGqrUYfIUDv6bMWvyWB4B0tQwPQOkw5Prj95iEIH2lTC7P9vReLfc50TJLl3IVXwPZLtGyEac4UMlf0k6SQX9cd-IB/s1600/telephone-game-cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz74wYnFVUiEzOAN97zhKQYffPanQ62N_x_7i7SKhYak96b5Wl3FXGqrUYfIUDv6bMWvyWB4B0tQwPQOkw5Prj95iEIH2lTC7P9vReLfc50TJLl3IVXwPZLtGyEac4UMlf0k6SQX9cd-IB/s1600/telephone-game-cover.jpg" /></a></div>In the history of film criticism, gallons of ink have been spilled over <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auteur_theory">auteur theory</a>, but without the funds, clout, and sheer force of dickish will that enables James Cameron to perfectly translate the little picture shows in his skull into 48fps 3D multiplex fodder, low budget filmmakers must endlessly sacrifice chunks of their vision on the altar of practicality. (Unless those visions conveniently spring forth from a Mumblecore id.) The various actors and crew-members involved in a production all leave fingerprints on the piece, too, leaving many a would be auteur wondering if how much of the final product truly belongs to them. The fictional playwright and director from Minnesota indie <i><a href="http://www.thetelephonegame.com/">The Telephone Game</a></i> spends much of the movie losing control over the creative concepts crystalized in his head as they spill forth into a production, while the film itself muddies the question of its own authorship via a script improvised by the actors.<br /><br /><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZWUmRbuXEOS0dSSbnmc5FGudtvu_sT0wN9N72SrnAPZQdwgZylDMsaK1vuy2gN7GQjW9l5_JDAdxrLncl8zy82Un4sDqviA_xpH4UYyjdTuYtnWBGo7gZjEGJ3utM0fJoZ_YBnkxRC-GT/s1600/PreProduction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZWUmRbuXEOS0dSSbnmc5FGudtvu_sT0wN9N72SrnAPZQdwgZylDMsaK1vuy2gN7GQjW9l5_JDAdxrLncl8zy82Un4sDqviA_xpH4UYyjdTuYtnWBGo7gZjEGJ3utM0fJoZ_YBnkxRC-GT/s1600/PreProduction.jpg" /></a></div>Directed by <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1894608/">Jason Schumacher</a>, <i>The Telephone Game</i> has an organic, mockumentary feel, despite at no time being billed as such. In a traditional movie, scenes are assembled from the best versions of their constituent parts based on an overarching structure, while their improvised doppelgangers are instead grown in long takes. Fruitful exchanges and choice lines of dialog are seeded into subsequent attempts until either the director is satisfied with the result, or the harsh realities of low budget scheduling come crashing down. The resulting footage is then woven together in much the same way as a non-fiction work. Narrative, theme, character; all the elements that a traditional film would establish in the writing and production phases are instead teased out of the raw dailies. In fact, the main difference between 'documentary style' post production and the real thing is that the editor of fiction is never hamstrung by the ethical concerns that arise when truth and style fail to sync up.<br /><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJpEwmS0xhvr0hPrUc42EfsLpSXtf8Gl7LfLetfWDcowudoM1VO6lLpHBKrUlI0XKsKbezTz-QEktf_M-HfrCnxVH_NjrZZtQQIc1Z493vxWV8fKsC8kb4JKtgeDpwC7P4SSALuoMstyP0/s1600/Marco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJpEwmS0xhvr0hPrUc42EfsLpSXtf8Gl7LfLetfWDcowudoM1VO6lLpHBKrUlI0XKsKbezTz-QEktf_M-HfrCnxVH_NjrZZtQQIc1Z493vxWV8fKsC8kb4JKtgeDpwC7P4SSALuoMstyP0/s1600/Marco.jpg" /></a></div>Milwaukee experimental <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2010/05/coming-soon-in-clamatore.html">filmmaker</a> and <a href="http://youtu.be/a7VIaIhf3eY">rapper</a> <a href="http://wctank.com/">Wes Tank</a> stars as Marco DeGarr, the pretentious writer and director of "The Invisible Ropes," an impenetrable slice of community theater about monkeys and diamonds against a dystopian fantasy backdrop. (The play was actually written, in a possible nod to the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjTzGepowCQ">Ouroboros</a> of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_imitating_art">life imitating art</a>, by the actor.) His main foils are theater owner and voice of practicality Irene Ilsely (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2038322/">KariAnn Craig</a>) and leading lady Zelphia Anzhelina (<a href="http://www.welcometoamerica.us/5050/">Haley Chamberlain</a>), with whom Marco makes an immediate connection. This connection forms the closest thing <i>The Telephone Game</i> has to a traditional plot, though it refuses to ever slide into melodrama.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd3-pCCvtebNPsBXv_oHTr348TfY3UaxGpqNc7VXkueU2aDvNG7h1b3d3HNsOvnEB6GiKdU_ZruLgd7QqcM7A0IAEerkJymC2rcU3ywXBfPACpfEfKfrOVdOijGOOtXpkM4M7mEU5hxBBp/s1600/CastMeta.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd3-pCCvtebNPsBXv_oHTr348TfY3UaxGpqNc7VXkueU2aDvNG7h1b3d3HNsOvnEB6GiKdU_ZruLgd7QqcM7A0IAEerkJymC2rcU3ywXBfPACpfEfKfrOVdOijGOOtXpkM4M7mEU5hxBBp/s1600/CastMeta.jpg" /></a></div>Meanwhile, a fantastic menagerie of cast and crew-members provide background action and mini-arcs that constantly threaten to upstage the movie itself. Reluctant understudy Benjo (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/bbats1/featured">Alex Barbatsis</a>) schemes to usurp the lead after Marco gives it to himself in a fit of subconscious narcissism, while Lizbeth (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2210986/">Alisa Mattson</a>) plays the Lady Macbeth on his shoulder. The comic relief is rounded out by the magic obsessed Chip (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2761051/">Eddie Chamberlain</a>) and roly poly stage manager Buzz (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2760391/">Jesse Frankson</a>) who steals every scene he's in, whether or not he has a line. (Seriously, if it was illegal to steal scenes, they'd give him the gas chamber for this movie.)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjocSjwcFDV_Q2S3H5nbrqEBna5YR3QDa9GHTFBJ8H1L5ZrmLPkmbhUMmlQrMI2zYly10FmygHYWh0UEItJIqXXNtg-j4MkX1sgmd3E06iVCwKZr-p0Iljzb5KlB9H6SMtNl5nGHw2mTevP/s1600/MarcoZelphia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjocSjwcFDV_Q2S3H5nbrqEBna5YR3QDa9GHTFBJ8H1L5ZrmLPkmbhUMmlQrMI2zYly10FmygHYWh0UEItJIqXXNtg-j4MkX1sgmd3E06iVCwKZr-p0Iljzb5KlB9H6SMtNl5nGHw2mTevP/s1600/MarcoZelphia.jpg" /></a></div>Following "The Invisible Ropes" from casting to performance provides most the film's structure, but still doesn't quite qualify as the plot. The (movie's) audience is too removed from the chain linked fences, elaborate headdresses, dancing monkeys, and Jupiterian ice cream of the metafictional text to have much investment in its successful production. (Even the world surrounding the theater is vague; the telephones are all rotary and bow ties are worn without irony.) Conflict is instead distilled from Marco's less than stable antics. He is already prone to bizarre non-sequiturs when explaining his vision at the movie's start, and his cast's incessant clamoring for direction weighs only grinds him down further. Lacking skills in performing distracting jigs like the tormented director in Fellini's <span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 19px;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8_1/2">8½</a> </i></span>(one of many influences from classic European cinema on <i>The Telephone Game</i>) and distracted by a blossoming relationship with his leading lady, Marco's interior condition quickly deteriorates. In an unexpected turn, he goes completely fugue state (complete with some <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9Kx_t6ko1k"><i>Fear and Loathing</i>-esque</a> camera wackiness) before the end of the first act. Once the delusions of killer bees subside, he returns to a production that is nigh ready to move on without him and therefore hostile to the new pages of script with which he wants to reclaim his decaying personal vision.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguWxMChSM1oI7BuiHGYBuyDxo0lP9nKBb2-GGibI8i08LtB6qXpEUBSvrT4Yf74CofKLkojzh0vMb8K_x3hdpGHuCbhOF49GzbvpzreeXtGhkH0NTtDWp_V-8NX2yeGFtljDJSyxFvxFGc/s1600/Stage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguWxMChSM1oI7BuiHGYBuyDxo0lP9nKBb2-GGibI8i08LtB6qXpEUBSvrT4Yf74CofKLkojzh0vMb8K_x3hdpGHuCbhOF49GzbvpzreeXtGhkH0NTtDWp_V-8NX2yeGFtljDJSyxFvxFGc/s1600/Stage.jpg" /></a></div>An improvised script inevitably constrains the director's control over his narrative, even though he is on set directing the chaos toward specific goals. (As well as calling the shots in the editing bay.) And while an improv based set would obviously create some cinematographic challenges, the director can still put a much more personal stamp on the visuals. <i>The Telephone Game</i> might be a microbudget indie struggling for attention in a veritable sea of contemporaries, (one of the major drawbacks to video's democratization of feature narrative making: a low signal-to-noise ratio that makes it nigh impossible for anyone to get audiences' attention) but it's already got a <a href="http://draft.blogger.com/"><span id="goog_951803454"></span>Best Cinematography<span id="goog_951803455"></span></a> award from the <a href="http://minneapolisundergroundfilmfestival.com/">Minneapolis Underground Film Fest</a> (aka MUFF--I know, right?) for its quality emulation of monochromatic celluloid on HD video. The high contrast black & white imagery further muddies the narrative's temporal waters, while giving cinematographer <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2760511/">Kipp Zavada</a> plenty of leeway for creating a filmic look. Plus, many of the cheesy looking post production effects that modern editing software provides can be revelatory (or at least not as cheesy) when applied to greyscale footage. When leading lady Zelphia performs a heartfelt song about stardust for Marco and the cast midway through the movie, the darkness behind her fills with particle effects that would likely be laughable in color, but instead suggest <i>2001</i>'s '<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Imbxqv_5TJU">Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite</a>' sequence reimagined by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_Maddin">Guy Maddin</a>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibJzxY79INgz23dI1YUyjGabop-F3jOF0W4k323L1lb02l_XhWywQVcNWMI6WLhWoSjyWbialUeo6FwzP3Xmta2E2A0YwtEdzZnodmYYA7g8ZYsn7datX366QuXhcl6YMqfrjViovWhnv8/s1600/ActorRing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibJzxY79INgz23dI1YUyjGabop-F3jOF0W4k323L1lb02l_XhWywQVcNWMI6WLhWoSjyWbialUeo6FwzP3Xmta2E2A0YwtEdzZnodmYYA7g8ZYsn7datX366QuXhcl6YMqfrjViovWhnv8/s1600/ActorRing.jpg" /></a></div>Making any movie, especially an indie on a minimal budget, can often be like sacrificing your children. ("Murder your darlings," they say.) Explosions, make up effects, dance numbers, and even whole characters must be aborted to keep finances in the black, until the auteur's grand designs are so diluted that he might as well give 'unfortunate circumstances' a writing credit. <i>The Telephone Game</i> may not have had outsized ambitions from inception, but like a cancer ridden Lex Luthor, it knows how to turn its weaknesses into strengths.<br /><br /><object height="233" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-W423Z3ZRYE?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-W423Z3ZRYE?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="233" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#274e13;">[Full Disclosure: in case you didn't figure it out, I am personally acquainted with the filmmakers, and even have a single shot cameo in the film. (All scenes where I open my yapper were tragically left on the cutting room floor.)]</span><br /><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-43762265647987497182011-06-10T08:16:00.005-05:002011-06-10T08:21:50.440-05:00Another Amazing SuperCut!Someone managed to find and string together almost 8 solid minutes of "You don't get it, do you?"s<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/24669583?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="400" height="265" frameborder="0"></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Note: Before you panic about Cronenberg's Dead Ringers (one of my all time favorites) being in there, the scene is Jeremy Irons running lines with his actor girlfriend. Meta bad writing.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://mobetterblogging.blogspot.com/2011/06/you-just-dont-get-it-do-you-films.html">The Source</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-85713229720248821722011-05-21T16:05:00.000-05:002011-05-21T16:05:20.002-05:00Rapture Ready Playlist<object height="321" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/p/92991D19929BB4A7?hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/p/92991D19929BB4A7?hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="321" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br />
<br />
If you're looking for tunes to spin for the apocalypse (any minute now, right?) look no further. I've had this ready for years.<br />
<br />
1. It's Not The End Of The World? - Super Furry Animals<br />
2. Bad Moon Rising - CCR<br />
3. Set the World Afire - Megadeath<br />
4. Come, Let Us Go Back To God - The Soul Stirrers<br />
5. The End of the World - Skeeter Davis<br />
6. Sky Starts Falling - Doves<br />
7. Dear Miami - Roisin Murphy<br />
8. I Wish We'd All Been Ready - Larry Norman<br />
9. Its The End Of The World As We Know It - REM<br />
10. John The Revelator - Depeche Mode<br />
11. The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash<br />
12. London Calling - The Clash<br />
13. Tow at a Time - Guster<br />
14. The Prophet's Song - Queen<br />
15. King of the World - Steely Dan<br />
16. Eve of Destruction - Barry McGuire<br />
17. In the Year 2525 - Zager & Evans<br />
18. The Earth Died Screaming - Tom Waits<div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-69312881920869711322011-03-29T13:39:00.003-05:002011-03-29T13:41:02.055-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNDSjIbFvgz4OXc_a08Xy86ddIYuGUDUjns87qkGI5118ccK_aruQ13-PnzTLN__ZE1MGQ2G8FVar8burzCEZPpxiW_TG-CTlzhQ-yAzg-0RIdc6me-OHnGgdnoLhaPgOtEXeOMFbdlr5X/s1600/caruso.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNDSjIbFvgz4OXc_a08Xy86ddIYuGUDUjns87qkGI5118ccK_aruQ13-PnzTLN__ZE1MGQ2G8FVar8burzCEZPpxiW_TG-CTlzhQ-yAzg-0RIdc6me-OHnGgdnoLhaPgOtEXeOMFbdlr5X/s1600/caruso.gif" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-25266824314456629402011-01-19T09:30:00.001-06:002011-01-19T09:37:41.853-06:00I didn't mean to turn you on<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cPUTqLCAfDA?fs=1&hl=en_US&start=214"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cPUTqLCAfDA?fs=1&hl=en_US&start=214" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Consider your mind blown.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-67315783890883975012010-05-13T16:18:00.000-05:002010-05-13T16:18:31.289-05:00Coming Soon: In ClamatoreAnyone in the Twin Cities this July 31st should swing by the <a href="http://www.redeyetheater.org/">Red Eye Theater</a> for the premiere of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/stumblesome">Wes Tank</a>'s <i>In Clamatore</i>. I don't have much info to share, but judging from the trailer and what I know about Mr. Tank, it is a safe bet that it will be <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Tarkovsky">Tarkovskian</a>.<br /><br /><div>It's a bit of a shame that it had to be shot on video, as the images practically cry out to be chemically burned into celluloid, but this is the world in which we are all now stuck. High Def makes for a decent simulacrum when the footage is sufficiently textured, so make sure to check out the trailer on YouTube HD if you've got the screen real estate.<br /><br /><div><object width="400" height="243"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/K4hDohLUmls&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/K4hDohLUmls&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="243"></embed></object></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-28796587633098384862010-04-05T16:45:00.007-05:002010-05-06T18:07:48.384-05:00Coming Soon: The Human Centipede<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji39hERdV3Uwrij0v9X0qFmikA4BaWMt45VvwGhAuNfw6Y3MIph5G9zDwbnh8G8b87YKS-mQcQ6CCwm7m26JomyFHbnDcuM_XBT1I3yZY7gbMfcGHaB4b_W_k1cxSdAN77xRPHWG1SaHnA/s1600/humancentipede.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji39hERdV3Uwrij0v9X0qFmikA4BaWMt45VvwGhAuNfw6Y3MIph5G9zDwbnh8G8b87YKS-mQcQ6CCwm7m26JomyFHbnDcuM_XBT1I3yZY7gbMfcGHaB4b_W_k1cxSdAN77xRPHWG1SaHnA/s400/humancentipede.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456767449600102162" /></a>It's debatable whether Hollywood's resurgent obsession with the third dimension is a step forwards or backwards for the art of cinema, but it certainly gives us younger folk a glimpse of the gimmicky showmanship that often defined the medium in years past. The silent era spawned largely from the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaudville">vaudeville</a> stage, with films frequently screened along with more traditional live entertainment. The fledgling format's novelty and purely visual nature made spectacle the order of the day; a natural fit for the vaudevillian circuit. Story and drama eventually took over as the medium ascended to the upper echelons of cultural importance, but spectacle not only remained an important feature, it returned with a vengeance whenever television threatened to topple the silver screen.<div><br /></div><div>Some of the resulting innovations have transcended the pejorative 'gimmick' to become important facets of cinema. Wide aspect ratios are taken for granted in this time of 16:9 HDTVs, but originated with non-standard formats like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinemascope">Cinemascope</a> that were originally implemented by competitive theater operators looking to out do each other as well drag customer eyeballs away from the <a href="http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Radiation_King">Radiation King</a> in their living rooms.</div><div><br /></div><div>Few other cinematic gimmicks were as classy or successful as Cinemascope, but they definitely added a cheesy, carnival like atmosphere of spectacle. The undisputed king of such contrivances was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Castle">William Castle</a>, director of <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_on_Haunted_Hill">House on Haunted Hill</a></i>, <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_Ghosts">13 Ghosts</a></i>, and <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Sardonicus">Mr. Sardonicus</a></i>. To add some extra zazz to the scary bits of his films, he would set up elaborate contraptions in select theaters. <i>Haunted Hill</i> famously had a fake skeleton fly over audiences' heads at certain times, and <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tingler">The Tingler</a></i> boasted electrified seats scattered randomly through the theater. Other films would have 'nurses' on hand to treat fear induced heart attacks, or micro-intermissions before the climax so that anyone too scared could leave and get a full refund <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(also a public shaming for their cowardice)</span>.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggtsuFWB_mHYJsuhCu0bcMQKV95_SVJLKVL1f0kg6Hpprytb16p0wVi8BQe1GirJMEq9UBQATqtuHmUHsFWOAD9rrGUr3udmfDbOA_rnDtphEMg9rIIJk991u5uExckpOCqXmXPV9lT5sA/s1600/TheHumanTingler.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 281px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggtsuFWB_mHYJsuhCu0bcMQKV95_SVJLKVL1f0kg6Hpprytb16p0wVi8BQe1GirJMEq9UBQATqtuHmUHsFWOAD9rrGUr3udmfDbOA_rnDtphEMg9rIIJk991u5uExckpOCqXmXPV9lT5sA/s400/TheHumanTingler.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456772937128632322" /></a><div>While modern moviegoers are a little too sophisticated <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(cynical?)</span> to be taken in by plastic skeletons or hollow boasts of death by fright, such practices have fortunately not faded entirely away. The director of Indian horror film, <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoonk_2">Phoonk 2</a> </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(Electric Boogaloo?)</span>, recently <a href="http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/36106/director-issues-challenge-horror-fans-watch-movie-alone-and-win-10k">offered $10,000</a> to anyone brave enough to watch the movie alone in an empty theater. Plus, as mentioned above, Hollywood is making pretty much anything that it can think of into a 3D movie these days. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(I miss the '80s, where you could apparently only use the process on the third film in a franchise.)</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Sadly, the director of <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_human_centipede">The Human Centipede (First Sequence)</a></i> has not announced any sort of free vomit bag promotion at theatrical screenings of his film, but after coming up with such an outlandish and disturbing premise, everything else <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(likely including the film itself)</span> will have to play second fiddle. Watch the trailer below:</div><object width="400" height="243"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IX8fKLjC__c&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IX8fKLjC__c&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="243"></embed></object><br />Is it a spoiler to show that the centipede is completed at some point in the movie? It will surely steal some of the suspense from the cat and mouse games between the crazy German surgeon and his nubile victims, but it would be a far greater crime for us to sit through a mediocre horror/suspense film called <i>The Human Centipede</i> about a mad scientist trying to create said human centipede without actually having any human centipede action. I'm not buying a $10 ticket to <i>The Human Centipede</i> to see people narrowly escape being turned into a human centipede. The rest of the film is just <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(for lack of a better term)</span> foreplay. To use another example for context: does anyone go see <i>Friday the 13th</i> movies to see a bunch of people narrowly escape getting murdered by Jason Vorhees? No. So let's not pretend that we're going to <i>The Human Centipede</i> to see if the characters manage to escape when we really just want to know what happens when the middle one has to go <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">[insert bodily function here]</span>.<br /><div><br /></div><div>Also, you all have to go see it so the director can make <i>The Human Centipede (Full Sequence)</i> which may have up to a dozen<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(!)</span> poor bastards sewn together.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">Update (2/9):</span></b> To clear up some confusion that this rambling, barely coherent post has induced in some of you, I consider the centipede itself to be the movie's gimmick. It's a premise so unique and outlandish that I have absolutely no problem with the construction of an entire movie <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#006600;">(maybe two)</span> around it. Plus there is the carnival freakshow aspect to it. Anyways, I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-27854079614323147822010-03-03T19:26:00.000-06:002010-03-03T19:29:22.660-06:00Salvation! (1987)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAguxVnNs1vje_eUi9QbDYWb47wXBblpIZcTDoDSft9ZnZI4l36WLjm33XMvOHoZ8DZwQEnCPthY4Fdom6yhX-uJ40wLStnZzzA4ktkXSog-0_rS_4v8k2HoSAx3WC1b_Gk88a1Ok7st1_/s1600-h/SalvationCover.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 338px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAguxVnNs1vje_eUi9QbDYWb47wXBblpIZcTDoDSft9ZnZI4l36WLjm33XMvOHoZ8DZwQEnCPthY4Fdom6yhX-uJ40wLStnZzzA4ktkXSog-0_rS_4v8k2HoSAx3WC1b_Gk88a1Ok7st1_/s400/SalvationCover.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444560637536813154" /></a>Nearly two decades before they would go on to menace each other in the tense first act of Cronenberg's <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_History_of_Violence_(film)">A History of Violence</a></i>, Viggo Mortensen and Stephen McHattie could be found menacing each other in the somewhat less tense <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvation!">Salvation!</a></i>, a long forgotten satire of televangelism from the deepest bowels of the MTV generation. Needless to say, it failed to rocket either of them to superstardom.<div><br /></div><div>Stuck in an extra crappy section of Staten Island, Viggo plays a motorcycle riding thug and recently laid off factory worker. He trudges home to his vacuous, proselytizing wife (played by LA punk rocker and real life Mrs. Viggo*, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exene_Cervenka">Exene Cervenka</a>) and her preening sister. In her few moments of lucidity while being mesmerized by televangelism, she insists that the 'family' will be perfectly fine.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgECyqArR5TA-fFi8Ng59Hfji-jPRQyvfI_VCBpSgfUI6j9vWQMDhBrRqmcWTFxd9Mc28dmZe-WeXeilzxdZl56ItfK3vRFS9li1hMDf6tfD6g8FSPdPQ1eqv_ppb8An8sOk72X4cXC-5Tu/s1600-h/Televangelism.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgECyqArR5TA-fFi8Ng59Hfji-jPRQyvfI_VCBpSgfUI6j9vWQMDhBrRqmcWTFxd9Mc28dmZe-WeXeilzxdZl56ItfK3vRFS9li1hMDf6tfD6g8FSPdPQ1eqv_ppb8An8sOk72X4cXC-5Tu/s320/Televangelism.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444562045335593794" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size:85%;">And he sayeth "Five Dollar Footlong" Amen.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>McHattie, whose recent performance in <i><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/08/pontypool-motif-of-harmful-sensation.html">Pontypool</a></i> has revealed him as one of cinema's most shamefully underutilized assets, plays the shady cathode-ray preacher with a penchant for booze and pornography. His fire and brimstone tirades are easily the film's strongest feature, which is a good thing considering how much of the runtime they fill. Most of the first 'act' is simply him on TV juxtaposed with Viggo's dysfunctional family bickering. It's as though the movie had a narrator that got religion right before shooting and decided to run with it.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxVHPONtgv8XfyBjciNIHlrQqa3tfYpiQPUMskWLI-LX3to_UUvjCDksibErd5wmqoaQVaPUCtSQ25FTx442gXgIgx7BYCVW-_Xq5HAq9PWwhIh4w9M7yMV0kgkquCuSnJqbGUQFEfKNRU/s1600-h/MarriedwithViggo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxVHPONtgv8XfyBjciNIHlrQqa3tfYpiQPUMskWLI-LX3to_UUvjCDksibErd5wmqoaQVaPUCtSQ25FTx442gXgIgx7BYCVW-_Xq5HAq9PWwhIh4w9M7yMV0kgkquCuSnJqbGUQFEfKNRU/s320/MarriedwithViggo.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444563025660639058" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size:85%;">[Insert 'Married with Children' and/or <i>Ghostbusters 2</i> joke here]</span></b></div><span class="fullpost"><div><br /></div><div>It's almost always a bad omen for a movie's pacing when it feels the need to punctuate itself with title cards. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">(Things that are acceptable: "Tuesday", "Berlin, 1943", "28 Days Later", and anything from </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Shining</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">.)</span> <i>Salvation!</i> is broken up into sections with names like 'dream' and 'nightmare', but the chapter names do little to alleviate the mental whiplash induced by such radical shifts in plot and tone. After the first section, wherein Viggo hollers at his wife, loses his job, and hollers at his wife some more, the film shifts to the seedy reverend, who practices his next sermon before being interrupted by Viggo's hot sister-in-law, who is stuck in the rain with a non-functioning car. She quickly seduces him, despite his suspicion that it is a blackmail scheme. Then the movie devolves into an erotic music video. Eventually, as the reverend fantasizes about a bizarre, semi-wholesome life with the little tart, she starts lip syncing to the soundtrack and it becomes explicitly a music video.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhujkc-4h_amx9GXNQ6OvzjaQuLnQkYpYv2dlnW7B-Vs7z5g0FJrTkn_SnzJ5sI9daPwlczdM613sofr0yxLQLXvamSXXQ8ErLxJjyYaL2tl5sETIckRA_KMKd70EB3mCsWSa8RvELTXpyU/s1600-h/Crucifornication.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 237px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhujkc-4h_amx9GXNQ6OvzjaQuLnQkYpYv2dlnW7B-Vs7z5g0FJrTkn_SnzJ5sI9daPwlczdM613sofr0yxLQLXvamSXXQ8ErLxJjyYaL2tl5sETIckRA_KMKd70EB3mCsWSa8RvELTXpyU/s320/Crucifornication.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444565243632003010" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size:85%;">A really messed up music video, too.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Viggo finally shows up to shake the cobwebs off the daydreaming film's narrative; he's got some sort of extortion scheme underway, though he might just be jealous of McHattie getting action with his wife's very covetable sister. Things almost coalesce into a semi-coherent cat & mouse thriller, only it turns out that Viggo's plan is to force his wife into the reverend's show and take half the profits. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">(It's a lot like my elaborate ruse to kidnap and torture Ted Danson so that he and my dad could be squash partners.)</span> Despite its painfully obvious brilliance, the scheme is ultimately thwarted by McHattie's <i>second</i> escape through a bathroom window onto his giant, neon lawn-cross. Too bad they weren't prepared for him to try the exact same thing again.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY-yyfXROQS0DqZv5m1BI4vuP7qoVbA1CyV-5Na1BXSKS-1clrMXbwtmKrXQWUWwyfBmvbcRTXUGpxCIP4QWfXVr0rI9yqzir_ZNDYfwH8A89GZk2BPynUUApIKG1mPPzQ53exNArnYZwZ/s1600-h/JesusLiterallySaves.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY-yyfXROQS0DqZv5m1BI4vuP7qoVbA1CyV-5Na1BXSKS-1clrMXbwtmKrXQWUWwyfBmvbcRTXUGpxCIP4QWfXVr0rI9yqzir_ZNDYfwH8A89GZk2BPynUUApIKG1mPPzQ53exNArnYZwZ/s320/JesusLiterallySaves.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444562058784116706" /></a><div>The reverend successfully escapes, only to get picked up as a hitchhiker by the very woman Viggo was attempting to foist on him.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">*Title card: "<b>Salvation</b>"*</span></div><div><br /></div><div>The 'plan' is successful and everybody is all friendly and in cahoots now! What the hell was the last forty-five minutes for? Why didn't they just send her to talk to him in the first place? Why is the movie essentially starting the plot over with less than 15 minutes left? What trick could it possibly have up its sleeve to wrap up all the loose ends that only just now appeared? <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">(Spoiler alert: it has no trick.)</span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZLPBMJZSXfsipDGzgoe7_rl0ePcaHf4HPfrTvB3b0_0mMIpT7mLacJxEEgPukyVrDFCzhFuRJA_k_utF7t-dsTpFM7BmchCpWfZ3MAd3Hyti8iVHa-UvwmtiA7xIoA6WIfQswgiMDt3Hf/s1600-h/Chums.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZLPBMJZSXfsipDGzgoe7_rl0ePcaHf4HPfrTvB3b0_0mMIpT7mLacJxEEgPukyVrDFCzhFuRJA_k_utF7t-dsTpFM7BmchCpWfZ3MAd3Hyti8iVHa-UvwmtiA7xIoA6WIfQswgiMDt3Hf/s320/Chums.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444563015931005890" /></a><div>Rather than answer those questions, the third act is cool with being a confusing blur. Making sense is for square movies, <i>Salvation!</i> just wants to get itself over with so it can go back to smoking weed and spinning Joy Division albums. So it has Viggo and his cronies pick up groupies for the good reverend. Then they all play poker. Some fat-cat at a pool party suggests the reverend has a future in politics. The team argues over how to stay organized while raiding viewer donations from the mail bag. "Postcards on the floor; envelopes on the desk!" All while his new co-host picks up the religious monologue slack.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPtIHlIcNi7V2R8Jm-NzBp6pjVmfxxqRvvXSdw9TJvPF7U9rMCToMaDDNZXgl5mvskV_WLS3ze7HcfH6Cg9o66a6u5tUYXG0jK3VZy884w2rb51X58JJniPIGRsO1LASMmzsSs3xNquZFT/s1600-h/Limo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPtIHlIcNi7V2R8Jm-NzBp6pjVmfxxqRvvXSdw9TJvPF7U9rMCToMaDDNZXgl5mvskV_WLS3ze7HcfH6Cg9o66a6u5tUYXG0jK3VZy884w2rb51X58JJniPIGRsO1LASMmzsSs3xNquZFT/s320/Limo.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444562054061917922" /></a><div>The reverend and Viggo's now ex-wife ultimately squeeze him and their other co-conspirators out of the scheme, but cannot agree on how to split up their profits. She suddenly reverses her characterization and cunningly suggests giving the disputed monies to a homeless shelter. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">(So her almost instantaneous corruption also made her smart?)</span> He changes the subject by proclaiming "showtime". There is one more brief televised sermon, a Christian rock music video, and the movie ends.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVBrNEWCX2x4Mkj8EC5o6AqehwKTp78yt0BEbADrhe-mhvVb7WCxqy0XOnjD2V3OVKKG8Zf2YX71z9pLG2SYFPkAqLOXhTqGeFa01u-5YipCwDBJZMhdLgoYmJM1JsiOwWGDQCK9xq7t3z/s1600-h/MusicVideo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVBrNEWCX2x4Mkj8EC5o6AqehwKTp78yt0BEbADrhe-mhvVb7WCxqy0XOnjD2V3OVKKG8Zf2YX71z9pLG2SYFPkAqLOXhTqGeFa01u-5YipCwDBJZMhdLgoYmJM1JsiOwWGDQCK9xq7t3z/s320/MusicVideo.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444562050285443202" /></a><div>That's it. McHattie gives one last speech, perfectly mimicking a fraying televangelist while saying absolutely nothing of real relevance to the gossamer wisps of storyline floating around. Also, in the context of a spiritual experience, he mentions having 'intercourse' with his new sidekick; an out of place line that rips itself away from the surrounding speech to make you momentarily wonder if perhaps the movie is smarter than you are giving it credit for. At least until you see the midget devil in the final scene.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxGlP5MivTPEkxiWanAD5JrLOUi7uLi5EqPjLsLKoHzux-1ZLG0rreRnJXst9dKhTd7NtSFW8AYBM82BpCEqh7gdgxu_XMoTNjuT1ckUCH_E0bebc7lUSfsBcEYZcEzA-c6ttP_BiyVXS/s1600-h/InterWhat.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxGlP5MivTPEkxiWanAD5JrLOUi7uLi5EqPjLsLKoHzux-1ZLG0rreRnJXst9dKhTd7NtSFW8AYBM82BpCEqh7gdgxu_XMoTNjuT1ckUCH_E0bebc7lUSfsBcEYZcEzA-c6ttP_BiyVXS/s320/InterWhat.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444570322456657810" /></a><div>With the glaring exception of an ending, <i>Salvation!</i> contains within itself all the individual components of a movie, but they never unite into anything even remotely resembling a plot. There are characters. Those characters speak dialog and have dramatic conflicts. Those conflicts even elicit faint implications of character growth. The problem is that the film has absolutely no idea how much time to spend on a particular scene, or how that scene should flow into and impact the scenes that follow. As Homer Simpson once said, "It's just a bunch of stuff that happened." Crucial moments are glossed over or skipped entirely, while endless minutes are spent on Viggo riding his motorcycle across <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staten_island">Staten Island</a>. (The least friendly place in America!) The third act might as well just be the cliff notes of an entirely different movie.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizbsDOiUmHrbuLjivD-ROeyM0v23ML4ik6eHBP-C_IJQLm1nVFoCTZaSFAZ-hCtl0PYE5yPWqDmOmeyXt1HLSxED23xJ2rDYXaqJpohRgzn_EhohSd52MoNReT6tjIW4VHJIzDAqWP5Ihn/s1600-h/McHattie.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 237px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizbsDOiUmHrbuLjivD-ROeyM0v23ML4ik6eHBP-C_IJQLm1nVFoCTZaSFAZ-hCtl0PYE5yPWqDmOmeyXt1HLSxED23xJ2rDYXaqJpohRgzn_EhohSd52MoNReT6tjIW4VHJIzDAqWP5Ihn/s320/McHattie.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444562056232393314" /></a><div>Lay the blame at the feet of writer/director Beth B, who apparently is far more at home in the world of music videos than feature films. It looks like a movie, it sounds like a movie, but it certainly doesn't flow like a movie. On the bright side, Ms. B's MTV skill-set gives the film interesting (but thoroughly dated) production design and music. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Order">New Order</a> practically scored the thing, with the gaps filled in by a variety of mid-'80s post-punk. (Most of it written by either <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Baker_(musician)">Arthur Baker</a> or the director herself.) Clearly the best track is "<a href="http://blip.fm/profile/knarfblack/blip/37194389/Jumpin'+Jesus–You+Can't+Blackmail+Jesus">You Can't Blackmail Jesus</a>", an alt-country gospel sung by McHattie himself. That alone makes the movie better than <i>Valentines Day</i> or <i><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/01/killer-mutant-mammal-week-rats.html">The Rats</a></i>.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7vsImgQFNgbqte7uiBb9KtaWgPTKsJezDZPrO9BZd2EMB38uX1hd2aRb1os-nwRZBpQ9SAKbWMF_xltExO_nqyEhMDZaeY4GMq5V8fR0Q4ttjrFaTxuLFaz-JkVEvvMx7lBH7QDOLEh5e/s1600-h/NotAnEnding.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7vsImgQFNgbqte7uiBb9KtaWgPTKsJezDZPrO9BZd2EMB38uX1hd2aRb1os-nwRZBpQ9SAKbWMF_xltExO_nqyEhMDZaeY4GMq5V8fR0Q4ttjrFaTxuLFaz-JkVEvvMx7lBH7QDOLEh5e/s320/NotAnEnding.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444573862659721682" /></a><div>During nighttime scenes at the reverend's mansion (probably %50 of the film) the lighting alternates between electric blues and violets, and would probably be impressive looking outside the confines of a two decade old VHS tape. Otherwise it just looks like electric Smurfs are being tossed violently at the camera in every shot. Like every other aspect of the film, the cinematography can only hint at the theoretical existence of an awesome film that came very close to being made.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5VyNxjvNM39HE0gbhyphenhyphenrbU2roZo8qIwkQUk-o5b07BalrfI-aAvuDY_luIb9KlHu87zN0CWx6aApykekBb9aSUhvBH1KI0yLwosZ3MweKVEkrBokUuH_V8ZDxrHVHeau7UUJxcByuXutl/s1600-h/BlueSubtlty.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5VyNxjvNM39HE0gbhyphenhyphenrbU2roZo8qIwkQUk-o5b07BalrfI-aAvuDY_luIb9KlHu87zN0CWx6aApykekBb9aSUhvBH1KI0yLwosZ3MweKVEkrBokUuH_V8ZDxrHVHeau7UUJxcByuXutl/s320/BlueSubtlty.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444573854808368562" /></a><div><i>Salvation!</i> certainly did one thing right (besides McHattie's phantom country music career) and that was creating a perfect storm of cinematic irrelevance. Certainly the post-punks and proto-goths of the middle 1980s were itching to knock the self righteous would-be censors of the 'religious right' down a couple of pegs, and the film's portrayal of a hypocritical televangelist who pockets his flock's money while watching porn seems to have at least shocked and appalled most of the people who have bothered to post "user reviews" of it online. The problem was that reality came along and stole the film's thunder. In the wake of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Bakker">Jim Bakker</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Swaggart">Jimmy Swaggart</a> scandals, the idea of a corrupt preacher of the cathode ray tube became passé. By 1990 people practically expected them to drop like flies out of grace, and today the fallen televangelist character has long passed beyond cliché into archetype. It's awfully hard to knock someone down a peg when they've already gotten drunk, passed out, and fallen completely off the pegboard (or wherever else these metaphorical pegs may be inserted). So after going out of its way to make numerous and powerful enemies, the film's satire ends up getting undercut by current events. Combine that with the fact that it's an incoherent mess, and you've got a powerful recipe for being stuck on VHS well into the 21st century and beyond.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh32sMjkt364IPdw-muRCMHdwOOms4otU01CeW7DVrYgqdFV3eZsulwqkCIQiAKNhrnRr_wHwbv6yc0YAI23rvO93qfq-bbirvZZjugcTGrZFLsODl716hXh_ockYf_nnIMo6c3VAxU57ZJ/s1600-h/MrsViggo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh32sMjkt364IPdw-muRCMHdwOOms4otU01CeW7DVrYgqdFV3eZsulwqkCIQiAKNhrnRr_wHwbv6yc0YAI23rvO93qfq-bbirvZZjugcTGrZFLsODl716hXh_ockYf_nnIMo6c3VAxU57ZJ/s320/MrsViggo.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444574390479169602" /></a><div>I'm sure it's scant consolation to Beth B's abortive career in feature length narrative cinema, but her combination of un<strike>wieldy</strike>conventional filmmaking, a quality '80s soundtrack, and a cast that was literally decades ahead of its time has rendered the film irresistible to weirdos like me who buy VHS tapes off of eBay purely because they are covered by a veil of obscurity as intriguing as it is absolute.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP5cogXFQJVcmdGWjKarHtubZMtaNeykk9bp-kZFKmErQniW8ZX6DeITnMzat8XgCMgGn8tGqPzZ5HATtIQz5E0WfsqbyiNtEOQsAVlYXDo90JL8zSpQwxmj3uC8oyd5P4-Qw-uCjnUFyZ/s1600-h/VistaVideo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP5cogXFQJVcmdGWjKarHtubZMtaNeykk9bp-kZFKmErQniW8ZX6DeITnMzat8XgCMgGn8tGqPzZ5HATtIQz5E0WfsqbyiNtEOQsAVlYXDo90JL8zSpQwxmj3uC8oyd5P4-Qw-uCjnUFyZ/s320/VistaVideo.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444574527490555762" /></a><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">*They once made a baby and have long since split up.</span></div></span><i></i></div><b><i><i></i></i></b><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-75189140488595929942010-02-09T12:49:00.001-06:002011-06-10T08:22:45.512-05:00Put this Guy in Charge of the InternetSeriously, I nominate this "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/richfofo">richfofo</a>" person for president of cyberspace. Sure he mainly seems to <a href="http://fourfour.typepad.com/">blog about reality TV</a> and various other <a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/video/vh1_reality_show_bus_crashes_in">Slut</a> related clap-trap, but these exhaustive montages of annoying horror-movie clichés are pure gold.<br />
<br />
No technology has turned horror/thriller screenwriting on its head more than the cellular phone. Now that nearly every warm body in the first world has a portable means of contacting the authorities, your average psycho slasher has to adapt by killing much faster (and ending the movie too soon) or risk a humiliating slaughter fail (also ending the movie too soon). Surly this means a dramatic rethinking of horror screenwriting tropes, correct?<br />
<br />
Wrong. It just means that every movie needs a painfully forced bit of expository dialog to remove the devices' corrosive effect on the narrative. Without further ado, here is nearly all of them:<br />
<object height="246" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XIZVcRccCx0&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00">
<param name="allowFullScreen" value="true">
<param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always">
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XIZVcRccCx0&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="246" width="400"></embed></object><br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Free slasher movie idea: </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faraday_cage"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Faraday Cage</span></a> - A deranged technophile kidnaps people who use their cellphones for evil purposes (taking calls during movies, texting while driving, general techno-rudeness) and traps them in a <span style="font-style: italic;">Saw</span>-esque dungeon where cellular signals can't penetrate. Murder ensues. Problem solved.<br />
<br />
Next up, goddamn mirror scares (and their bastard children, mirror scare fake-outs):<br />
<object height="246" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3tjoqhx_dwk&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00">
<param name="allowFullScreen" value="true">
<param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always">
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3tjoqhx_dwk&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="246" width="400"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Hopefully we'll get to see "Blurry things running in front of the camera while a violinist has a seizure" next.<br />
<br />
If that's not enough for "president of the internet," this person also posts a ridiculous number of videos about his weird looking cat. As we all know, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi8VTeDHjcM">the internet is made of cats</a>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Special Bonus! </span>A perfect montage explanation of why I think Reality TV is the devil:<br />
<object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b0bOw1lqxBc&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00">
<param name="allowFullScreen" value="true">
<param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always">
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b0bOw1lqxBc&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><br />
Oh boy! Shallow people acting like they think shallow people should act when cameras are around! How is that 'reality' and how is that entertaining in the least? I would rather watch a feature film that I hate than five minutes of this inexplicably popular sham that won't fucking die.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOKcRZlYISxgmT9MEFCWSqknaMDdUUeFtUyw6dSTJ26Plfvu6lV0ntofPI4etXFUnbqg_AEDCFWzIL8pvX3kjngelvNT3wlUq6DSP8wvi4wP3c68AkppPHfR7uYu63hoq5PGXAi99MSNIw/s1600-h/parrot.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5436313428664736562" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOKcRZlYISxgmT9MEFCWSqknaMDdUUeFtUyw6dSTJ26Plfvu6lV0ntofPI4etXFUnbqg_AEDCFWzIL8pvX3kjngelvNT3wlUq6DSP8wvi4wP3c68AkppPHfR7uYu63hoq5PGXAi99MSNIw/s400/parrot.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 290px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 350px;" /></a><br />
Also, this blog isn't dead... it's just resting. I'm attempting to actually write the book I've had kicking around my skull for the last three years, and Video Updates, which was originally created as a way to keep exercising the prose muscles whenever the fiction muse abandoned me, sort of took over for a while. Unfortunately, I lack the talent and discipline to maintain two simultaneous writing projects and a day job, so something is always going to get the short end of the stick.<br />
<br />
Still, there are so many Videos to be Updated: <span style="font-style: italic;">Syngenor</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Hausu</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Razorback</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Dead End Drive-In</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Save the Green Planet</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Stone Tape</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Death Bed</span>, etc. Hell, I could spill forth another couple thousand words on <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/08/pontypool-motif-of-harmful-sensation.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Pontypool</span></a> alone. So fear not, densins of the giant cyber-chasm that I scream my nonsense into, updates will continue to trickle out while I pretend to be a big boy writer. And someday, when I'm rich and famous or at least completely unemployable, Video Updates will be restored to its former glory* and then some.<br />
<br />
Also, there will probably be more video game related content in the near future, but that still has the word "video" in it, so if you don't like it you can cram it with walnuts.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: #006600;">*Former glory may only exist in the author's mind. Your results may vary.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-28940271834456787602010-01-08T11:00:00.001-06:002010-01-08T11:53:41.231-06:00Quixotic Blu-Rays<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2jh3gKjP1oZ1unn-LrxBf1c75JGM8xzME6qgADjC86zBsuC0eiIwwymV5cEl_lxQ0XD5t_xtrWxMBvhFiBDmnFF89YzjDgS-VF3s9Poq1bOvuWDCVXr65wD0Z4l9M4JH8jGKvJWeaCBGw/s1600-h/BluRayWishList.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 143px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2jh3gKjP1oZ1unn-LrxBf1c75JGM8xzME6qgADjC86zBsuC0eiIwwymV5cEl_lxQ0XD5t_xtrWxMBvhFiBDmnFF89YzjDgS-VF3s9Poq1bOvuWDCVXr65wD0Z4l9M4JH8jGKvJWeaCBGw/s400/BluRayWishList.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5424415404436984450" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Movies that deserve the HD treatment they will most likely never get:</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kontroll">Kontroll</a><br /></div><br />This spectacular Hungarian film about subway ticket inspectors is most notable for launching the lackluster Hollywood career of Nimród Antal, director of <span style="font-style: italic;">Vacancy</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Armored</span>, and the upcoming <span style="font-style: italic;">Predators</span>. (I admit to not seeing any of those, but the reviews and trailers scream 'Meh' to me at the top of their metaphoric lungs.) Kontroll itself is a bit of a mixed bag of indie cinema tropes (quirky characters, fugue state twists, and a '<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meet_cute">meet-cute</a>' wearing a bear costume) but its kinetic, textured visuals and impressive subterranean setting, which remain impressive on the poorly mastered DVD we're currently stuck with, could blow some serious minds.<br /><br />I'm still kicking myself for missing my chance to see this on the big screen. A blu-ray would go a long ways toward consoling me.<br /><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SEKcOvCY8g0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/SEKcOvCY8g0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stalker_%28film%29">Stalker</a><br /></div><br />One of my all time favorite films of all time, <span style="font-style: italic;">Stalker</span> is a languorous science fiction epic by the legendary Russian filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky. It's a possibly allegorical tale of three men, Writer, Professor, and Stalker, who venture into a forbidden wasteland called the Zone to retrieve a possibly extraterrestrial wish granting artifact. A story of the fantastic, warped by the director into something more concerned with mankind's battered spirit than aliens or ray guns, it is nevertheless filled to the brim with striking visuals and authentically gritty locales.<br /><br />Unfortunately, the film has yet to even see an adequate DVD release. For now we must settle for a murky picture inexplicably split over two out of print discs. (One dual layer, one single... why?) The only thing it really has going for it (aside from being the only game in town) is the shockingly adequate, if not entirely faithful, 5.1 surround sound mix.<br /><br />I bug the Criterion Collection on a regular basis about the film, but it's likely that the distribution rights pose a problem. (They've managed to release a handful of his other films--<span style="font-style: italic;">Ivan's Childhood</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Solaris</span>, and <span style="font-style: italic;">Andrei Rublev</span>--so there is hope for at least <span style="font-style: italic;">some</span> HD action.)<br /><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nBBR8Pn7eUQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nBBR8Pn7eUQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kairo_%28film%29">Kairo</a><br /></div><br />My all time favorite J-horror, <span style="font-style: italic;">Kairo</span> is yet another film rich in gritty detail and elaborately decaying industrial backdrops. It's even been described as 'Tarkovskian,' which is a non-pejorative way to say "glacially paced" or "slow as hell." Just don't fall asleep to the film, as I have done (same for <span style="font-style: italic;">Stalker</span>--a great movie for naps, seriously) because the score will wake you back up for some hardcore existential dread. Hell is full, and the dead are invading our world through electrical and information networks to show us just how sad and alone we are in this universe. The only recourse is to run like hell and seal them off with red duct tape. (Then you can never, ever, <span style="font-style: italic;">ever</span> go back there, BTW.)<br /><br />If I may rant and swear for a minute, WHY THE FUCK is there a fucking HD DVD (I noticed this before the format died--yes I've got a player--shut up) and <span style="font-style: italic;">two</span> sequels for the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulse_%282006_film%29">godawful US remake</a>, but no known plans for an HD treatment of the original? If they release the remake on blu before the original, I'm going to ultra-plotz and take all of you with me.<br /><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JyDf4igNJ38&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JyDf4igNJ38&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Begotten">Begotten</a><br /></div><br />Long before he sold out with the mediocre <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/10/mini-review-suspect-zero-2004.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Suspect Zero</span></a>, E Elias Merhige was a promising experimental filmmaker sweating over the meticulous photographic techniques in his silent, black & white epic of human suffering, <span style="font-style: italic;">Begotten</span>. I've yet to see the whole thing, because the DVD is so out of print that it currently goes for $90(!) on Amazon. Furthermore, what little I have seen could only hint at the wonders of a theatrical or HD screening.<br /><br />When mastering a home video copy of a true film, studios have an irritating 'baby with the bathwater' tendency to clean up the print with digital noise reduction. Limited use of DNR is a cost effective way to clean up the most distracting bits of dust and dirt, but many disc authorers use it as a crutch, reducing the image's total detail, eliminating all that delicious film grain, and basically destroying the entire point of high definition mastering.<br /><br />The wild, organic nature to film grain (an artifact of its chemical nature) is far more pleasing to the eye than its digital equivalent (pixels, boo!) so while HD and its big brothers 2K and 4K are finally shrinking their pixels even smaller than the grains of 35mm film emulsion, the texture of those grains is still an integral element to the format and should be preserved in digital duplication whenever possible.<br /><br />This most apparent in <span style="font-style: italic;">Begotten</span>. So much time and effort went into the film's processing and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optical_printing">optical printing</a> that it is starting to creep into the world of animation. When poorly mastered or shown in an inadequate format, all that grain and contrast is lost in the murk. When the texture is almost more important than the image itself, and you eliminate the texture, all you have left is a shitty, blurry picture.<br /><br />Sometimes high-def is the only way to properly see a film, but if no one can do so, then there ends up being little demand for a high-def release. It's a negative feedback loop of cinematic under appreciation.<br /><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fadhsuINHfk&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fadhsuINHfk&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. The Best of Classic </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experimental_film">Experimental Cinema</a><br /></div><br />See the last sentence above. Most experimental films are almost completely lost to SD video, and are definitely lost to YouTube. A collection of the greats on HD would be the closest most of us could get to seeing 'Mothlight' or 'Serene Velocity' in the proper celluloid setting.<br /><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XaGh0D2NXCA&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XaGh0D2NXCA&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-35873012888948195262009-12-16T22:19:00.000-06:002009-12-16T22:19:31.963-06:00Evilspeak (1981)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLHjLaoimoL-A_OvCgaMP3yq64izyictPonwvHrUrOUotGpFzTQ1E2r_D0nvIyZaymu4yFEoCaXwT9QHsRcgJ6mstef5iFk_5mTUgIsRwBxgiwVvX0J7BpL5ZaVCzMqgrrG13D932VtxQ/s1600-h/EvilSpeak.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 310px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLHjLaoimoL-A_OvCgaMP3yq64izyictPonwvHrUrOUotGpFzTQ1E2r_D0nvIyZaymu4yFEoCaXwT9QHsRcgJ6mstef5iFk_5mTUgIsRwBxgiwVvX0J7BpL5ZaVCzMqgrrG13D932VtxQ/s400/EvilSpeak.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415539306306214594" border="0" /></a>One word: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synergy">Synergy</a>.<br /><br /><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evilspeak">Evilspeak</a> boasts not the yawn inducing synergy of starting a pizza joint next to a dive bar in your local cracked-out strip mall, but the infinitely more awesome (though slightly less plausible) combination of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apple_ii">Apple II</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan">Satan</a>. Each were powerful tools circa 1981, but it clearly took a genius intellect to discover how much more they could do when combined. Just imagine what Satan could do for spreadsheet efficiency; reach six hundred and sixty six rows and columns, and the client's face literally melts.<br /><br />In the film, it takes the brilliant mind and immense forehead of a young Clint Howard to combine Satan's peanut butter with the chocolate of 1mghz processing power and monochrome screens. (Of course, as we learned from Jumping Jack Flash, Apple II screens can easily do full color when imbued with the power of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Pryce">Johnathan Pryce</a>.) Playing the unfortunately named Stanley Coopersmith, Clint is a hapless orphan with a charity scholarship to a prestigious military academy. He's crap at sports, has 24/7 pit stains, and is a constant target for Bubba, the school's resident bully and future <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0823155/">bumbling neighbor</a> on 'That '70s Show.' (For more disturbingly young Don Stark action, check out <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Switchblade_Sisters"><span style="font-style: italic;">Switchblade Sisters</span></a>.) His already miserable existence gets significantly worse when he's put on punishment detail and forced to clean out the dilapidated chapel basement with a surly, gin-soaked caretaker.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig5Wy_k3YOOTwD9zEhdsVXvF93PeLk141VGvUM4bS1q_4tPwPCY9XtNFJ_693T3Jnt7q20XqmasSpvs-w3vQoMvpK3QrCmBbeLkYj1K1HcT9r5ZohXrTB2JvTRgb9JfOkb8-HwsfWDQgCX/s1600-h/Coopersmith.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 226px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig5Wy_k3YOOTwD9zEhdsVXvF93PeLk141VGvUM4bS1q_4tPwPCY9XtNFJ_693T3Jnt7q20XqmasSpvs-w3vQoMvpK3QrCmBbeLkYj1K1HcT9r5ZohXrTB2JvTRgb9JfOkb8-HwsfWDQgCX/s400/Coopersmith.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415616427456191794" /></a><span class="fullpost">It is while digging around in this ancient detritus that Coopersmith discovers the mystical spellbook and diary of arch-satanist <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Moll">Bull from 'Night Court.'</a> Fascinated but lacking fluency in Latin, he squirrels it away to translate later. In a stroke of luck, the computer lab has some handy-dandy Latin to English software. A hobby born of curiosity at first, it becomes a dangerous obsession as the translated text ultimately turns the computer into a digital Necronomicon. Somehow the text coalesces into Satanic software (I knew there was something fishy about BASIC) and begins demanding various sacrificial items: <i>un</i>holy water, consecrated host (that's Jesus Crackers™ for those of you born secular), and blood. The water is found in a conveniently labeled jar on a nearby shelf, some host is procured from the chapel above, but blood will require more than a simple fetch quest to obtain. This leaves the newly possessed Apple with nothing to do but loop the film's tagline over and over: "Data Incomplete - Blood Required."<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDLw9JvzX8Wz65kkMbXbtKY4CgKc__mSo3-R0vcxw0u4S6_L7l_udlstQLCytPOqy0kWBK20vKhilMfK71igy8viog70P-v3vPoN2GyprJwLXdtUShZiGh1DBpTZbWSLdGvvTbXee3KQ8Z/s1600-h/FetchQuest.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDLw9JvzX8Wz65kkMbXbtKY4CgKc__mSo3-R0vcxw0u4S6_L7l_udlstQLCytPOqy0kWBK20vKhilMfK71igy8viog70P-v3vPoN2GyprJwLXdtUShZiGh1DBpTZbWSLdGvvTbXee3KQ8Z/s400/FetchQuest.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415617407152602770" /></a>The rest of the film is essentially one long justification of Clint Howard's inevitable conjuring of dark forces. Aside from a subplot revolving around the headmaster's inexplicably hot secretary and her repeated attempts to steal the jeweled pentagram off of the Satanic tome, every scene exists only to show either that everyone is mean to Clint Howard or that he clearly has nothing to lose by invoking the dark powers of Bull from 'Night Court.' After finding a stray puppy, he starts hiding it in his lair under the chapel, unable to bring himself to sacrifice it to his new hobby. When Bubba eventually breaks in with a throng of drunken bullies, they get caught a peer pressure feedback loop that results in him stabbing the puppy and draining its blood.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN84p-qjTLU__jtrIgJ6DchoipjE7XyoCfh5USoorbSix44CjR7FHZzxYD7YgRxLYpPqhzDbqlrqBKrEqFE1XP5JODLUkjwHvn9emrAidrxhW_mhS1ETvXic6LgQ034CGk4KgeESY4o_ZQ/s1600-h/DonStark.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN84p-qjTLU__jtrIgJ6DchoipjE7XyoCfh5USoorbSix44CjR7FHZzxYD7YgRxLYpPqhzDbqlrqBKrEqFE1XP5JODLUkjwHvn9emrAidrxhW_mhS1ETvXic6LgQ034CGk4KgeESY4o_ZQ/s400/DonStark.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415617411112857762" /></a>The malevolent software is not impressed with the bully's drink sodden sacrifice, but instead of a runtime error or kernel protection fault, it simply clarifies the recipe:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNfoF2TKmHC8LdA8NCN03O__lDvqw0RIaM1lvWnjilVa9drR_4phUSb2hDKvNs0TYX6ekqYySG_UkCA6LCferQCL3AoYD-EJs9JytnhWOTtdW_CBpVNmC8kV4dZQ3jMj6YZ6VC2eWoIEPB/s1600-h/DataIncomplete.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 215px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNfoF2TKmHC8LdA8NCN03O__lDvqw0RIaM1lvWnjilVa9drR_4phUSb2hDKvNs0TYX6ekqYySG_UkCA6LCferQCL3AoYD-EJs9JytnhWOTtdW_CBpVNmC8kV4dZQ3jMj6YZ6VC2eWoIEPB/s400/DataIncomplete.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415616435101431682" /></a>Finally confident that it has made its point, the movie at last gets down to business; the business of Clint Howard massacring his tormentors. He acquires human blood by hurling the headmaster, who was in the process of discovering his devilish deeds, onto a spiked chandelier of evil. (Quite an athletic feat for a nerd such as Stanley Coopersmith.) With the ritual complete and a dead puppy to avenge, Bull from 'Night Court' imbues Stanley with the demonic power to smite his enemies (who conveniently happen to represent the religious order that long ago foiled Bull's plans).<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnBokq9arfNoBC5B98el54lUSlPb8ZiUR2QhV4K1sn2R4s4g6wNh7GcF_ZtSnAOvPYa-2wfDccq9jKoIWfj6ryKBSopEgUl9c6g2FGNeDtk8V91gvczhW9BgRwCKDAL1IV31XI7h5u5KdO/s1600-h/BullFromNightCourt.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnBokq9arfNoBC5B98el54lUSlPb8ZiUR2QhV4K1sn2R4s4g6wNh7GcF_ZtSnAOvPYa-2wfDccq9jKoIWfj6ryKBSopEgUl9c6g2FGNeDtk8V91gvczhW9BgRwCKDAL1IV31XI7h5u5KdO/s400/BullFromNightCourt.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415616432830912066" /></a>At this point, the movie gets sort of awesome. Stanley emerges from his lair under the chapel with a giant sword, crazy hair, and the ability to levitate, wild boars run amok, and the nails fly out of the hands of a giant stone crucifix, firmly embedding themselves in the priest's skull. It's all very violent and sacrilegious, but the best part is how Clint Howard's demon sword doesn't chop or slice things so much as magically convert them into rubber sacks of meat that explode all over the place.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUZWqQSWUSJq3eLa_l7jsvj6wxff0GeNUWq1Yx3-MJadcbhHUr-EuIOTdzOOpz2qidKOYxmGm5TPTVR6NJGwsueOGhjQTBR5jKsyHBVpQ1LgFAl9czbwUephzEKjIrl-YyXiYYXpkc5DeU/s1600-h/Sploosh.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 226px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUZWqQSWUSJq3eLa_l7jsvj6wxff0GeNUWq1Yx3-MJadcbhHUr-EuIOTdzOOpz2qidKOYxmGm5TPTVR6NJGwsueOGhjQTBR5jKsyHBVpQ1LgFAl9czbwUephzEKjIrl-YyXiYYXpkc5DeU/s400/Sploosh.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415618917200876546" /></a>Despite it's winning premise, <i>Evilspeak</i> (or should that be <i>EvilSpeak</i>... or <i>Evil's Peak</i>... or <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speak_%26_Spell_(toy)">EvilSpeak & Spell</a></i>) sulked in obscurity for many years. Due to the film being branded a '<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_nasties">Video Nasty</a>' in the UK, it fell prey to that country's censorious witch hunt of the early '80s. After the moral panic caused by Abel Ferarra's <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driller_Killer">Driller Killer</a></i> and the exploding home video market, the Brits were jonesing to protect their children, and the best way to do that seemed to be by banning the hell out of a bunch of violent (and usually terrible) VHS tapes.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDC9rS4UAk9gFeMht-9jOiZPyL25I5xXq-cDa5TBMzifZlBFn9tNfiwuaGdeKpLu_eeVssNy6XxUEnxJwToD3ZXSJYA6Tkygz0_CbibhpPRB6IHD9_LmxNywGV8owVjWy6RgppGbKvsWSK/s1600-h/ClintHowardsEvilBook.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDC9rS4UAk9gFeMht-9jOiZPyL25I5xXq-cDa5TBMzifZlBFn9tNfiwuaGdeKpLu_eeVssNy6XxUEnxJwToD3ZXSJYA6Tkygz0_CbibhpPRB6IHD9_LmxNywGV8owVjWy6RgppGbKvsWSK/s400/ClintHowardsEvilBook.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415616438199166738" /></a>The film was completely banned in England, and then only released with severe edits to all the good bits. Many of these cuts were made to other countries' releases as well, and despite the 'uncut' version eventually released in 1999, there are supposedly still some boobs and blood missing from the secretary's shower scene and subsequent death by wild boar. On top of that, several gore shots have clearly been recovered from sub-par sources. The professor's improbable death by hanging spike in particular contained a shot that looked to be taken from a VHS bootleg then chopped to fit the original aspect ratio.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFaaSwmuGKUQ2OTki9WYv3ZCAj5Vj5_OV6pKx8-NdSx-qtkramrniCB32-6bh_z5Psr5eoLrB4XDWdSDZ0EKDB_FUbsQ6OH3goN6YaFuPF_aMBNpMIOdWhjo_yLS5U8LEjx6sufExGxQq/s1600-h/KillFace.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFaaSwmuGKUQ2OTki9WYv3ZCAj5Vj5_OV6pKx8-NdSx-qtkramrniCB32-6bh_z5Psr5eoLrB4XDWdSDZ0EKDB_FUbsQ6OH3goN6YaFuPF_aMBNpMIOdWhjo_yLS5U8LEjx6sufExGxQq/s400/KillFace.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415618921730338178" /></a>While censorship is nothing new for the world of cinema (nor is it going anywhere in the near future) it seems more than a little bizarre from a 21st century perspective that anyone anywhere would get their judgmental panties in a bunch over a movie in which Clint Howard uses an Apple II to summon a demonic Bull from 'Night Court' in order to get revenge on Don Stark. The fact that people took the movie serious enough to ban it just boggles the mind.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><object width="400" height="246"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/byssaZ97dzE&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/byssaZ97dzE&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="246"></embed></object></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKz1e2z3uefD3IBXzy8QaHKu8x3L_IX55mHcfPB62aIXr6YMo9Y7a0KbjnaMBESsieYzM9GvyEOHooC50MtvBF7Z5NYEGZlX0d7yj697E9NAAqWBIGrbnmy-SJepfGGKsI87dyyBOKAPG/s1600-h/Satan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 226px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKz1e2z3uefD3IBXzy8QaHKu8x3L_IX55mHcfPB62aIXr6YMo9Y7a0KbjnaMBESsieYzM9GvyEOHooC50MtvBF7Z5NYEGZlX0d7yj697E9NAAqWBIGrbnmy-SJepfGGKsI87dyyBOKAPG/s400/Satan.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415619470377953138" /></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-21927921612724938802009-12-09T12:37:00.000-06:002009-12-09T12:39:16.632-06:00The Chaos Experiment (2009)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Juu1qRUW3k05UndM0eyTGUKnvA7fKhgHAQCHig3BmlLalLqsg5HCFFO_zWfsvRFI2D57FXJizP-CEhJoHI1_22KL5ukZsZ5iOHwUYYK1FyEKOViGZXzG5aP-drYs8xhxINZQiHlpSbJb/s1600-h/chaosexperiment.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 249px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Juu1qRUW3k05UndM0eyTGUKnvA7fKhgHAQCHig3BmlLalLqsg5HCFFO_zWfsvRFI2D57FXJizP-CEhJoHI1_22KL5ukZsZ5iOHwUYYK1FyEKOViGZXzG5aP-drYs8xhxINZQiHlpSbJb/s400/chaosexperiment.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413300965281724626" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Video Updates would like to welcome filmmaker extrodinare and newest contributor, </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/14548592930024020562">Greyduck</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">.</span><br /><br />Whereas terminal disease guy in the <span style="font-style: italic;">Saw</span> movies traps his victims in elaborate torture devices to make them value their lives, James Pettis (Val Kilmer) traps his victims his victims in a sauna to make them feel like what global warming might be like someday.<br /><br />His 6 victims (who include Eric Roberts and Patrick Muldoon) introduce themselves in one of the most pretentious, of many pretentious sequences, showing them through a dense yellow filter, in split screens that dissolve over more shots, that dissolve over even more shots. Needless to say, this overwhelming presentation doesn’t really leave us caring much about the characters or their fate. There’s angry Brooklyn guy, slightly older sagely guy, other guy, shy girl, seemingly normal girl, and skanky girl who walks around with her top off, while <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2q-gWMAGjw">“Bolero” by Ravel</a> booms on the soundtrack. Yes, we get it. It’s very warm in there.<br /><br />We find out they’re all in the sauna as some part of dating service, although none of them seem particularly interested in making a good first impression.<br /><br />Meanwhile...<br /><br />Pettis goes to some talk to a guy with the press and a police detective about his little scheme with the people in the sauna, who will eventually be slowly steam baked to death and he explains he will only let them go if the paper publishes his findings on global warming, which of course will be unbearable in 2012. So Val is playing so sort of evil, insane Al Gore.<br /><br />The folks in the sauna bicker. Val as Pettis continues to ramble, and the movie randomly cuts to shots of him alone on a spinning carousel, starring off blankly. I think this is supposed to re-iterate the fact that he’s crazy with a capitol C.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8aDEtrT8UNpRoeumCHbQzZF9UpD2QKlgRlgG1In0wc9N_cE2cra5VbPFeZcuhgk_-aIJicU3qZLEIf7E02x0v0QgegNOdUB5NdZyC1tkBTGiCCiaTqyM6xIVRrY76fgfQWeaAR5L4iIpy/s1600-h/CrazyVal.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 290px; height: 203px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8aDEtrT8UNpRoeumCHbQzZF9UpD2QKlgRlgG1In0wc9N_cE2cra5VbPFeZcuhgk_-aIJicU3qZLEIf7E02x0v0QgegNOdUB5NdZyC1tkBTGiCCiaTqyM6xIVRrY76fgfQWeaAR5L4iIpy/s400/CrazyVal.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413305119062708674" border="0" /></a>Here’s where I take an extended phone call from a friend I haven’t heard from a while. I come back to find that not much has changed, and Val has gone from crazy to insane, or insanely constipated, judging by the way he’s biting his lip and twitching.<br /><br />I’ve got to say, Val in this movie is just terrible, mostly due to the poor writing and directing, which is unfortunate, since he’s great in “The Doors”, a favorite film of my teen years, And I’m sure he’ll be good in Werner Herzog’s <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Lieutenant:_Port_of_Call_New_Orleans"><span style="font-style: italic;">Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, New Orleans</span></a> (although, movie titles should never have semicolons in them... ever) Steam Experiment was certainly directed by no Werner Herzog, but by Philepp Martinez, who’s previous works include a Jean-Claude Van Damne movie, which is always a bad sign.<br /><br />I digress. Anyway -<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Nyj1lUEKjkFHyIrDeJ3qYCVFFXA59R454rjDUHjnAsrud7SIqhh5mDFkfKORlX9Ss3RDX1OEl7qm2Q6ltCQjxqWAaJhb_PtvKG95vIbOwrzkhPikGhjWv7esU9iLynRKV7fzzrU3SQeE/s1600-h/KillerSauna.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 247px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Nyj1lUEKjkFHyIrDeJ3qYCVFFXA59R454rjDUHjnAsrud7SIqhh5mDFkfKORlX9Ss3RDX1OEl7qm2Q6ltCQjxqWAaJhb_PtvKG95vIbOwrzkhPikGhjWv7esU9iLynRKV7fzzrU3SQeE/s400/KillerSauna.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413306969227225762" border="0" /></a>SPOILERS ahead. Very lame ones.<br /><br />Nails shoot through the door to the sauna, the people in the sauna get freaked out, and become more angry (hot under the collar, if they were wearing collars), and as Pettis’ theorized, begin to fight amongst each other. Shy girl slits her own throat, other die due to barely motivated quarrels, somebody gets a nail gun to the head. It's a whole-lotta chaos going on.<br /><br />As Pettis continues to look more constipated and ramble on, the detective decides he’s just totally bananas and the “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaos_Experiment">Steam Experiment</a>” is just something he made up in his head to get attention and the people in it don’t actually exist. Exit detective.<br /><br />The twist isn’t that they are all in his head, (for that movie, see <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_%28film%29"><span style="font-style: italic;">Identity</span></a> AKA “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adaptation_%28film%29">The 3</a>”) the twist, I guess, is that Pettis’s mental ward doctor guy is also sorta crazy and is in on the experiment. He’s the the one who shot the nails through the door with a nail gun. Seemingly-normal-girl survives the experiment and we find out that she is the psychologist’s wife. Why did she participate? We’re not entirely sure. Why did his doctor help set up the experiment? We don't know. Pettis goes back to the the mental institution and lies around looking beardy. Is he crazy? Cut to him spinning around on a carousel again by himself... OK, yep = crazy, in case we forgot.<br /><br />Roll credits.<br />I'm not really sure what the film was trying to say. Probably check the history of any dating service you sign up for, and don’t let them convince you to start your date with a bunch of strangers in a creepy sauna.<br /><br /><object height="246" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3ecn5IxLbR4&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3ecn5IxLbR4&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="246" width="400"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-9574811808996601702009-12-09T11:50:00.007-06:002009-12-09T12:42:33.873-06:00More Killer Crude: "Oceansize"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK-PVe1ZmL3gJC5mU0jIK7IC-weKTXZJ-E0ttGtit33feMtk-rW2RAoIkK2kZHpCfaplTJ0SRueGrvC4R6L-EIZrByLp88u9ejlJKho8KVCUkvyrnEmiw6lqnadnbq_jQuvZ6x_RJWlSBv/s1600-h/Oceansize.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 216px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK-PVe1ZmL3gJC5mU0jIK7IC-weKTXZJ-E0ttGtit33feMtk-rW2RAoIkK2kZHpCfaplTJ0SRueGrvC4R6L-EIZrByLp88u9ejlJKho8KVCUkvyrnEmiw6lqnadnbq_jQuvZ6x_RJWlSBv/s400/Oceansize.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413298994537816914" border="0" /></a>Just in time for <a href="http://en.cop15.dk/">Copenhagen</a>, another <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/06/peak-oil-you-wish-when-hydrocarbons.html">Killer Mutant Petroleum Monster</a> has reared its hydrocarbon head. It's big, gooey, pissed off, and can be found in this outstanding CG short:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oceansize<br /></span><object height="243" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KzPHbSYfPAQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KzPHbSYfPAQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="243" width="400"></embed></object></div><br />Great atmosphere and visuals aside, what the heck is going on? Is the oil monster defending itself from the rig? Does it not want to be pumped out of the ocean and converted to Hummer fuel? Why is the platform being operated by a hippy with incredibly long dreadlocks? Yes, the dirty and dreadlocked can frequently be found near oil rigs, but it is usually in the context of being led away in handcuffs.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-30628438542729912982009-11-12T13:30:00.003-06:002009-11-13T19:13:26.002-06:00Cult Film Shirts: Video Updates ApprovedTruly there is no better way to let your geek flag fly than with a nerdy T-shirt. Sure you could get a semi-functional VU meter shirt from Think Geek or wear anything seen on the chest of the Irish guy from "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_IT_Crowd">The IT Crowd</a>," but wouldn't you rather dress like a rabid consumer of obscure trash cinema?<br /><br />Yes now you too can dress just like the proprietor of this website... or at least dress like he would if he wasn't a cheap bastard that just spent all his money on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demon%27s_Souls">Demon's Souls</a> and a capped-rail picket fence for the Video Updates Small Dog Squad.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.horrorshirts.com/vestron.htm">Vestron Video</a> from </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.horrorshirts.com/">Horrorshirts</a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSliv29ZoI-qjGJUrjVxVQRhbVUcx95kCjMu8lgxeviKy5pp1_pi59zqB1JrdUB051bqn_a4QGv8jhMvreQeOhzjHmg1nLxV2-MNpN0V87x2qUQBdWt35bexLvKhu-nu_f99XeUUPVN5rN/s1600-h/vestronvideoshirt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 375px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSliv29ZoI-qjGJUrjVxVQRhbVUcx95kCjMu8lgxeviKy5pp1_pi59zqB1JrdUB051bqn_a4QGv8jhMvreQeOhzjHmg1nLxV2-MNpN0V87x2qUQBdWt35bexLvKhu-nu_f99XeUUPVN5rN/s400/vestronvideoshirt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403273721403129522" border="0" /></a>A venerable distributor of VHS tapes during the format's '80s heyday, the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vestron_Video">Vestron Video</a> logo and/or corporate influence can be found on many of the films discussed here at Video Updates,<br />including <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/10/slaughter-high-1986.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Slaughter High</span></a>, <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/10/class-of-1999-1990.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Class of 1999</span></a>, and <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/07/chopping-mall-1986.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Chopping Mall</span></a> (under their "Lightning Video" subsidiary), as well as a whole host of genre favorites. <span style="font-style: italic;">Re-Animator</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">An American Werewolf in London</span>, and <span style="font-style: italic;">Ghoulies</span> just to name a few of the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/company/co0030983/">literally hundreds</a> of movies they distributed. (They are also sadly responsible for the creation of <span style="font-style: italic;">Dirty Dancing</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Earth Girls Are Easy</span>.)<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="246" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uqXfWxeyq4c&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hd=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uqXfWxeyq4c&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hd=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="246" width="400"></embed></object></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.mondotees.com/pl/Cannon-Films-Black/110">Cannon Films</a> from <a href="http://www.mondotees.com/">Mondo Tees</a></span></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi91yHlBjR_tzXCQttIX39s_KJRvxO6Y98WojXi2ys27vQL6IoUgHBbpoFAliDqbEyTiO4ltgn3u2A5ynUeB05cLbmvk2qJB6s20IhWcPZYkJwD0Iie9eANse9MDQ9rAMqBUiB_yoa2dRXY/s1600-h/CannonFilmsShirt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 349px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi91yHlBjR_tzXCQttIX39s_KJRvxO6Y98WojXi2ys27vQL6IoUgHBbpoFAliDqbEyTiO4ltgn3u2A5ynUeB05cLbmvk2qJB6s20IhWcPZYkJwD0Iie9eANse9MDQ9rAMqBUiB_yoa2dRXY/s400/CannonFilmsShirt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403277926446208626" border="0" /></a>Another relic of the golden age of analog video tapes, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cannon_Group">Cannon Films</a> is the company to praise/blame for things like <span style="font-style: italic;">Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo</span> (seriously), <span style="font-style: italic;">Delta Force</span>, and <span style="font-style: italic;">Death Wish</span> parts 2 through 4. Amongst the action films and generic '80s filler, they also produced or distributed a host of horror and sci-fi films, including Tobi Hooper's underrated <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifeforce_%28film%29"><span style="font-style: italic;">Lifeforce</span></a> (which coincidentally was distributed by Vestron in some markets). None of their videos have currently been "Updated," but reviews on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Apple_%281980_film%29"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Apple</span></a>, <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasion_U.S.A._%281985_film%29">Invasion USA</a>, and possibly <a href="http://wherethelongtailends.com/archives/ninja-iii-the-domination"><span style="font-style: italic;">Ninja 3: The Domination</span></a> are on the calender.<br /><br />Plus, how many defunct production companies <a href="http://www.cannon.org.uk/">have fansites</a>?<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/obrTE73bUYU&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hd=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/obrTE73bUYU&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object></div><br /><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.criterion.com/shop_products/69"><span style="font-style: italic;">Hausu</span> Cat</a> from the <a href="http://www.criterion.com/shop/clothing">Criterion Store</a></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgceHNiM4h6BzZGRlfG79P_6FJrOn4sk0VWhLukNDtUXTKMaFsddm7tVRzqz3zx7jQUU6DYdNn4HGdFItd6xc0YgGpFjGqU9TbZ17rS71FvFPFS2xDJyoKCorJU0q1ZqngH_vxgX_S2UTMJ/s1600-h/HAUSUshirt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 285px; height: 289px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgceHNiM4h6BzZGRlfG79P_6FJrOn4sk0VWhLukNDtUXTKMaFsddm7tVRzqz3zx7jQUU6DYdNn4HGdFItd6xc0YgGpFjGqU9TbZ17rS71FvFPFS2xDJyoKCorJU0q1ZqngH_vxgX_S2UTMJ/s400/HAUSUshirt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403291497044585842" border="0" /></a>What the shit? This glorious affront to eyeballs everywhere is the latest gear from the venerated art-house distributor <a href="http://www.criterion.com/">The Criterion Collection</a>. It seems their theatrical arm, <a href="http://janusfilms.com/house/">Janus Films</a>, has gotten its mitts on the obscure Japanese slice of crazy known as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hausu"><span style="font-style: italic;">Hausu</span></a> (House) and has been showing it theatrically. (Fingers crossed for a DVD in the near future.) I caught it at the Oak Street a few weeks ago and was surprised at how little of the story I missed while watching my shitty, subtitle free bootleg.<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Following a group of Japanese schoolgirls all named after their dominant personality trait and their misadventures in a kitty-cat controlled haunted house, it's an intensely strange, sumptuously photographed, and irrepressibly goofy little horror film that will leave you scratching your head and grinning like an idiot. It makes <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness_of_the_Katakuris"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Happiness of the Katakuris</span></a> look like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picnic_at_Hanging_Rock_%28film%29"><span style="font-style: italic;">Picnic at Hanging Rock</span></a>. Full review early next week.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NN0HVJ5tkIM&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NN0HVJ5tkIM&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object></div><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Note: Any of these shirts would make an excellent X-mas gift for that special nerdy someone in your life. Hint hint, readers who I share DNA or alma maters with. (Probably most of you.)</span><br /></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-21995765428875164982009-11-11T18:00:00.004-06:002009-11-11T18:10:54.114-06:00Star Wars "Uncut"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ3Xd5S4ZlAcTCXvt9pZG4qvVS_K64JaDZiRydUesBRf2df7q3CHLVdEi2CnTzii6engO9aA876FFYsaqOAsR4MxdiILnjIG-37PfytJXDFiY2gpj6u2VslHM-nYXRPGX7_02n0lHO5jxz/s1600-h/MakingC3PO.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 303px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ3Xd5S4ZlAcTCXvt9pZG4qvVS_K64JaDZiRydUesBRf2df7q3CHLVdEi2CnTzii6engO9aA876FFYsaqOAsR4MxdiILnjIG-37PfytJXDFiY2gpj6u2VslHM-nYXRPGX7_02n0lHO5jxz/s400/MakingC3PO.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402999039045688690" /></a><div>Slowly but surely the internet is inching towards some kind of singularity in which literally any bizarre, bat-shit insane idea you can come up with is not just a reality, but is already old news. I'm not just talking about crazy porn either. Case in point, someone not only came up with the head scratching idea to crowdsource an amateur shot-for-shot remake of <i>Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope: Attack of the Colons</i> that changes cast, director, camera, style, and quality every 15 seconds, but he's already got <a href="http://starwarsuncut.com/">his mad dream well under way</a>. The movie has been chopped up into 472 chunks that anyone (this means you) can sign up to recreate. There are only 46 segments left, and it has proved so popular that they're allowing multiple entries per clip. (Sorry, people who made theirs unwatchably terrible.)</div><div><br /></div><div>All you need are some goofy props, video equipment, and some random hobos to fill in for Stormtroopers. Here's a couple clips that your's truly helped out with:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://starwarsuncut.com/#/finished/117"><b>Scene 117</b></a><br /><object width="400" height="300"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=7303107&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=7303107&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="300"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://starwarsuncut.com/#/scene/283"><b>Scene 283</b></a><br /><object width="400" height="300"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=6744911&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=6744911&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="300"></embed></object></div><br />In case you haven't guessed, that's me overdoing my underacting as old Ben Kenobi, and also me playing Chewbacca underneath a Cowardly Lion mane and Dr. Zaius mask. (I totally made the sounds myself, honest.)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjXzaV69J1AU8UTn0TnKFC0RLi9rdZ4Vy3D_5i88kICDkA72SJN9-mFXHBR_Bp56apXlDGxiUiboWj31ApxzT1LBU9o_B1YOh5BLrUcCSuT_5hsiFyzlZQGbGReqz8KmQMJQodpKZK4pw0/s1600-h/ThumbsUpforStarWars.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 294px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjXzaV69J1AU8UTn0TnKFC0RLi9rdZ4Vy3D_5i88kICDkA72SJN9-mFXHBR_Bp56apXlDGxiUiboWj31ApxzT1LBU9o_B1YOh5BLrUcCSuT_5hsiFyzlZQGbGReqz8KmQMJQodpKZK4pw0/s400/ThumbsUpforStarWars.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403000166925674322" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipqUUS67bw1BpP-6loW_H5zSM-M26Bxfc4IMtlvUYb7Tiwxwhsgp6Z4PTh_O7yYDDXkv25-tb0wixtBo03XWm8IJsN9YuBC941_F-Rs8FZFepcaBHCar9eejwFz20e548HBMqoBRsvWJJz/s1600-h/ChewbaccaSmash.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 325px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipqUUS67bw1BpP-6loW_H5zSM-M26Bxfc4IMtlvUYb7Tiwxwhsgp6Z4PTh_O7yYDDXkv25-tb0wixtBo03XWm8IJsN9YuBC941_F-Rs8FZFepcaBHCar9eejwFz20e548HBMqoBRsvWJJz/s400/ChewbaccaSmash.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403000164975930130" /></a><br /><object width="400" height="300"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=6788001&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=10d1f2&fullscreen=1"><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=6788001&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=10d1f2&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="300"></embed></object><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrYsIhNRMy-miFEdlVr7Ne_4OBA8Rf6wdSs6VT20RrneGfQ7DGoa4Msn-KSdeK0hdiceuPaO-t2PCGEBfsTeZK_ULqmwoyhFSgLcySnYhAbwzwYnqTEuXXmEXuWHeEsySgNs1aBvL4K1G/s1600-h/ChewbaccaThinks.jpg"></a><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrYsIhNRMy-miFEdlVr7Ne_4OBA8Rf6wdSs6VT20RrneGfQ7DGoa4Msn-KSdeK0hdiceuPaO-t2PCGEBfsTeZK_ULqmwoyhFSgLcySnYhAbwzwYnqTEuXXmEXuWHeEsySgNs1aBvL4K1G/s1600-h/ChewbaccaThinks.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="text-align: left;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 276px; height: 400px; " src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrYsIhNRMy-miFEdlVr7Ne_4OBA8Rf6wdSs6VT20RrneGfQ7DGoa4Msn-KSdeK0hdiceuPaO-t2PCGEBfsTeZK_ULqmwoyhFSgLcySnYhAbwzwYnqTEuXXmEXuWHeEsySgNs1aBvL4K1G/s400/ChewbaccaThinks.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403000163055235842" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Chewbacca is a deep thinker.</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-18975743677352278142009-11-04T23:10:00.012-06:002009-11-04T23:52:31.109-06:00Alert! Imminent LA Screening of The Telephone Book<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiSPmTjSB_AXIdI24a_jbk4HVxXidMn9vQNCrHGZ_xFaa4tRNBViZ0bmRGZO67zN1JSxnmDeL-dC0enFHp4PKWgFrhp6vq3HifwvR5FJW03elmXKhQlYiOzKRqrNsKyp7cFGcKZDR5V0dp/s1600-h/telephonebook.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 175px; height: 259px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiSPmTjSB_AXIdI24a_jbk4HVxXidMn9vQNCrHGZ_xFaa4tRNBViZ0bmRGZO67zN1JSxnmDeL-dC0enFHp4PKWgFrhp6vq3HifwvR5FJW03elmXKhQlYiOzKRqrNsKyp7cFGcKZDR5V0dp/s400/telephonebook.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299706518236522962" /></a>Holy Crap! It looks like I was the last to find out, but there is a screening of <i>The Telephone Book</i> at the Egyptian Theater <i><a href="http://www.americancinematheque.com/archive1999/2009/Egyptian/specialevent_NOV_ET_2009.htm#TELEPHONE%20BOOK">tomorrow</a></i><a href="http://www.americancinematheque.com/archive1999/2009/Egyptian/specialevent_NOV_ET_2009.htm#TELEPHONE%20BOOK"> (Nov. 5th)</a>! Apparently they've unearthed a 35mm print of this extremely rare, long forgotten masterpiece of the psychotic erotic. (or is that vice versa?) On top of that, they've got a Q&A with director <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0528962/">Nelson Lyon</a>!!!<div><br /></div><div>Plus there are boobies!<br /><div><br /></div><div>For those of you who aren't familiar with the film, this<a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/02/telephone-book_09.html"> detailed write up</a> from a few months ago is a good place to start. The tagline pretty much says it all, but the end result is so brain meltingly insane that it has to be seen to be believed.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm stuck half a continent away so if any of you are going to catch this possibly once in a lifetime screening, please drop a comment with your thoughts/impressions.</div><div><br /></div><div>Click here for <a href="http://www.thewrap.com/blog-entry/linda-lovelace-there-was-telephone-book-8762">an article about the screening</a> by producer Merv Bloch.</div><div>And <a href="http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-screening5-2009nov05,0,7244787.story">another in the LA Times</a>.</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-61605336565513382602009-11-04T17:18:00.004-06:002009-11-09T11:35:58.986-06:00Cronenberg in Context: The Fly (1986)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4hlt__mbcE1pg_Af4sTj3eLF5178qqAJuL0k3MYZYbLX645bj9MQNodL-V_hgjJjed1B_2Qw-3CjshO_DczfpNjo915xsjK_5oHLmz-U2Nw4gm6iYDbViGDP7apscIBkfv60zWXxDT8JH/s1600-h/FlyPoster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 277px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4hlt__mbcE1pg_Af4sTj3eLF5178qqAJuL0k3MYZYbLX645bj9MQNodL-V_hgjJjed1B_2Qw-3CjshO_DczfpNjo915xsjK_5oHLmz-U2Nw4gm6iYDbViGDP7apscIBkfv60zWXxDT8JH/s400/FlyPoster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400310859736680002" border="0" /></a>Giant oil drums of ink have already been spilled in tribute to <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fly_%281986_film%29">The Fly</a></i>, David Cronenberg's most commercially and critically successful film, and since it is yet another of his works that I currently don't have a copy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(Damn you, '06 Chaska DVD thieves!)</span> I'll do little here but scratch the surface.<div><br /></div><div>Originally a short story published in Playboy, The Fly was quickly adapted into a 1958 Vincent Price film, and has since spiraled outward into a massive, loosely connected franchise. As of 2009 there have been two sequels, one remake <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(which we are discussing today)</span>, one sequel to said remake, an operatic adaptation of the remake, a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror segment, and a possible remake of the remake. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(That is a lot of houseflies getting trapped in teleportation devices; perhaps these scientists need to keep their labs tidier.)</span></div><div><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/k2c0dKzMWLE&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/k2c0dKzMWLE&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object></div><div>For Cronenberg's career, the film was a watershed moment in several ways. As mentioned above, it ended up being his biggest hit by a wide margin, becoming the world's first <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(and probably only)</span> mainstream body-horror film. The academy award winning makeup effects involved in the tragic hero's gruesome metamorphosis <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(often described a brutal metaphor for the aging process)</span> horrified and resonated with audiences, while the doomed romance and melodramatic love triangle at the heart of the film gave it an emotional heft rarely found in horror or sci-fi. In fact, the quality of Cronenberg's writing and directing of actors in <i>The Fly</i> signals the beginning of the end for those of us who have mixed feelings about the auteur's transformation into a high caliber, genre-free filmmaker. With the notable exception of <span style="">eXistenZ, all of his post-<span style="font-style: italic;">Fly</span> movies have drifted away from gross out effects and outlandish premises and toward straight, character driven thrillers. They're still as violent and disturbing for the most part, but the body-horror themes have been internalized by the various tortured, psychologically damaged protagonists.<br /><br />If Cronenberg's films are looked at as a ven-diagram or continuum between his fleshy, venereal horror shows and dark, cerebral character studies, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Fly</span> will always end up at dead center. The perfect balance of gore and character makes it his most perfect film, even if it only ends up as #4 on my personal list of favorites. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(In case you're wondering, it goes: </span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Videodrome</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">, </span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Dead Ringers</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">, </span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">eXistenZ</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">, </span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">The Fly</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">.)<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">More Reasons </span></b><span style="font-style: italic;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">The Fly</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);"> is Awesome:</span></b><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Pacing:</span></span> Cronenberg's films can never be criticized for being overlong. Unlike many of the self indulgent filmmakers currently pumping out 3+ hour epics, he has skills with the editing blade to rival even pre-<span style="font-style: italic;">Gladiator</span> Ridley Scott. <span style="font-style: italic;">The Fly</span> begins practically <span style="font-style: italic;">in media res</span>, with Jeff Goldblum and Gena Davis hitting it off at a party before going back to his place for a telepod demonstration. No time is wasted setting the characters up beforehand, and every scene has a clear purpose. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(It helps that their are no added subplots beyond Goldblum's transformation and the central romance.)</span> In fact, considering the quality of the writing, acting, and special effects, it could even be argued that the film is too short.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeyH4FPTNc0ca7l-NmcOjQRmd3MFYZ2hCSBy7zdklvnYK-4c8jQeoMZBRTagRguJD4QKu2xdkGICxbwK_w0mrsEt6mNG_d1t791ajwW2e5KdWStObRGgrBJpTgNzWWvbnq2X8Ypq7JI1lX/s1600-h/StathisBorans.JPG.jpeg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeyH4FPTNc0ca7l-NmcOjQRmd3MFYZ2hCSBy7zdklvnYK-4c8jQeoMZBRTagRguJD4QKu2xdkGICxbwK_w0mrsEt6mNG_d1t791ajwW2e5KdWStObRGgrBJpTgNzWWvbnq2X8Ypq7JI1lX/s400/StathisBorans.JPG.jpeg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400393078741336130" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Stathis Borans</span>:</span> Played by the chronically underemployed <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Getz">John Getz</a> of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_Simple"><span style="font-style: italic;">Blood Simple</span></a> 'fame,' Stathis is a sleazy, '80s corporate villain type and the third prong in the film's love triangle. With a bushy rapist beard and hair as slick as his demeanor, the dude spends 75% of the movie radiating intense douchebag vibes. However, thanks to Getz's performance, there are subtle hints of vulnerability sandwiched between his smug cigar chomping and pompous theatrics. By the third act, the audience can almost believe that his despondent ex-girlfriend would look to him for help in her time of need. He even gets to save the day in the end, though at a gruesome personal cost.<br /><br />It's amazing how much sympathy <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(read: any whatsoever)</span> the film manages to find for such an unlikable character. Despite limited screen time in a relatively short film, he goes from 1980s cinema archetype to three dimensional character. In the end, he's arguably the film's most interesting character. Cronenberg even admits as such in the DVD commentary track <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(recommended BTW)</span>, and laments his choice to not develop him further. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">(Perhaps the 2007 opera version rectified this.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Music</span>:</span> Yet another reason it isn't surprising that there is a <span style="font-style: italic;">Fly</span> opera; the Howard Shore composed score can only be described with hyperbolic language like 'epic' and 'intense.' It's heavy, orchestral, and manages to highlight the characters' intense, borderline melodramatic emotional arcs without sending the whole ordeal passed that thin, hazy line separating good drama from "over the top." Here's the main theme:<br /><object height="75" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CMcqyEZhqqw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="false"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CMcqyEZhqqw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="75" width="400"></embed></object></div></div></span></div><div><br /></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">No Neo-</span></b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luddite"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Luddism</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">:</span></b> Unlike most 'science gone wrong' movies (including the original 1958 film), The Fly does not blame science itself for the protagonist's fateful predicament. He gets drunk and teleports himself without proper precautions after his girlfriend disappears on him for the evening to meet with her ex-boyfriend. No one tries to make a case that the telepods are too dangerous or that he tried to play god; emotion and strong drink simply made him sloppy.</div><br /><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);">Buff Jeff Goldblum in tiny underwear:</span> </b>I mean... if you're in to that sort of thing... which I'm not... not that there is anything wrong with that.<br /><object height="325" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pxIhRZTFxOw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pxIhRZTFxOw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="325" width="400"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-24521282319122007962009-11-02T19:50:00.002-06:002009-11-02T19:56:18.614-06:00Mini Review: Population 436 (2006)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPPgjXNm_RvRlWuDnT3Bel9TiDMIkBejHNQW7R5Ndlu4F-muq3osFD_r_Qgq3acLPEecEO0rnN7YwelNVoWKaWeTpzSuch29gcijusuadcdJNSj26VP2oeDu5iTxMAbTH_NIK8izShZNqg/s1600-h/Pop436Cover.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 175px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPPgjXNm_RvRlWuDnT3Bel9TiDMIkBejHNQW7R5Ndlu4F-muq3osFD_r_Qgq3acLPEecEO0rnN7YwelNVoWKaWeTpzSuch29gcijusuadcdJNSj26VP2oeDu5iTxMAbTH_NIK8izShZNqg/s400/Pop436Cover.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399681455032364578" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Three word review: Population Shit Sandwich</span><div><br /></div><div>In all seriousness, the movie is pretty terrible. I decided to watch it on a Netflix Instant whim, and while it wasn't bad enough to get uncerimoniously turned off (a nice benefit of instant viewing), I in no way recommend or endorse seeing it.</div><div><br /></div><div>The premise is tantilizing in its vagueness: a census worker investigates a remote hamlet that's population has remained at the exact same number for a century. A good writer could take that sentence and go nearly anywhere with it. The problem is that <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Population_436">Population 436</a></i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">(spoiler alert)</span> takes it somewhere in the general vicinity of nowhere. The town ends up being a rather benign religious cult that assigns special theological importance on the number 436 and strictly maintains its population at that number. Unexplained supernatural forces make sure that women always go into labor whenever someone is about to kick the bucket. Those same forces supposedly also prevent anyone who spends the night in town from ever leaving. When someone new arrives from the outside world, however, the supernatural takes a bit of a vacation, leaving the townspeople to choose who to kill <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lottery">Lottery</a></i> style.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5gWMcnEPuilh_swEUjxZFR6xB4FEnEYjHpRN6X0wBJ_n_Rj40ckaElRWSzlrrqx5fRh5GhLOSPByAniGl9z4w6mGuuGM79SnohZ4uIbFQ7lJOiJ_cIEeuaJdAUYAHxEhYUxmmJbD7bVla/s1600-h/Festival.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5gWMcnEPuilh_swEUjxZFR6xB4FEnEYjHpRN6X0wBJ_n_Rj40ckaElRWSzlrrqx5fRh5GhLOSPByAniGl9z4w6mGuuGM79SnohZ4uIbFQ7lJOiJ_cIEeuaJdAUYAHxEhYUxmmJbD7bVla/s400/Festival.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399686941616716978" /></a>The above description actually makes the film sound significantly more awesome than it is. For the most part, nothing happens. The census worker, played by the always adequate Jeremy Sisto, spends most of the film wandering about town, getting weirded out by the townspeople, and otherwise laboring through a rip off of <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wicker_Man_(1973_film)">The Wicker Man</a></i> nearly as bad as that film's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wicker_Man_(2006_film)">infamous remake</a>. (And that one at least has Nick Cage randomly beating the shit out of women.)</div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmTpnurYZgNXb_PvDAkCjgVfsIdKYAHOWbf5EL1oQMf1hdJPyzfL4xSTgbc-bQK5kv5Chh06x2r0J-vqL9UriodkjunqsOnv5EaTtJNo6Q5uvwmIzWRvWZmaty_l1PCXY93VuzfCWesJtD/s1600-h/CensusTaking.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmTpnurYZgNXb_PvDAkCjgVfsIdKYAHOWbf5EL1oQMf1hdJPyzfL4xSTgbc-bQK5kv5Chh06x2r0J-vqL9UriodkjunqsOnv5EaTtJNo6Q5uvwmIzWRvWZmaty_l1PCXY93VuzfCWesJtD/s400/CensusTaking.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399686930776179250" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b>Just swap Cage for Sisto, and 'punching' for 'talking'.</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><br /></b></div></div><div>Often misclassified as a horror film, <i>Population 436</i> is better described as a 'tragic bro-mance' between Sisto and the #1 reason why I should have been smart enough to not watch the film: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Durst">Fred Durst</a>. That's right, the Limp Biskit frontman and proud illiterate has a full on supporting role as the town's simpering vagina of a sheriff's deputy. (I actually had to double check which character he played on IMDB, as it turns out I don't recognize the dude without his trademark baseball cap and douche goatee. In all honesty, he's not that bad of an actor.) The two men become fast friends over some back-forty target practice. (The audience knows this because Durst awkwardly proclaims it after they spend less than a day together.) Of course, Sisto has to go and totally ruin things by scoring with the town's single hot chick, who the terminally shy Durst happens to be pining for. Their afternoon long friendship shattered, Durst almost gives in to the town elders' wish for him to take Sisto out, but their man-crush is too strong and he ultimately lets the outsider go at the film's comically overwrought emotional climax.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3iULPz3BoLftnht3lGnGQCsSb-L0d0djN1Th-RQbEUvihnr95mY-2jRhEvkm00Zkl2r13h9H9EP4pWpUWk2oCVCJICzSfPPOlsSeiZ2sx-Sob_PW-H7YpigaVhPUapj63-d52jVcPhGlC/s1600-h/Bromantic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3iULPz3BoLftnht3lGnGQCsSb-L0d0djN1Th-RQbEUvihnr95mY-2jRhEvkm00Zkl2r13h9H9EP4pWpUWk2oCVCJICzSfPPOlsSeiZ2sx-Sob_PW-H7YpigaVhPUapj63-d52jVcPhGlC/s400/Bromantic.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399686936000699474" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size:85%;">I wish I could quit you.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b><br /></b></span></div>So our hero rescues the town's lone sane person (a little girl) and rides off into the sunset. Right? Who cares that absolutely nothing gets explained or resolved? Actually, an anti-climax isn't enough for <i>Population 436</i>, it boasts an anti-<i>deus ex machina</i> (<i>diablous ex machina</i>? <i>crepusculum plaga ex machina</i>?) where the strange green filtered dream the protagonist has been having turns out to be a prophetic vision of objects in his escape vehicle. These objects then distract him from the giant oncoming truck.</div><div><br /></div><div>Damn it! Fred Durst didn't even die! That was the only way I rationalized watching a film with him in it: "It's a horror film, so he'll probably die. Seeing Fred Durst die should make up for having to see Fred Durst act."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><object width="400" height="325"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9tP6kSCz_kY&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9tP6kSCz_kY&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="325"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"><b>Movies to watch instead of </b></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"><b>Population 436</b></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"><b>:</b></span></div><i><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Hot Fuzz</span></div></i><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Wicker Man</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Children of the Corn</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Wicker Man</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"> again</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Wicker Man</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"> remake</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">C.H.U.D.</span></i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-23825710733032685212009-11-02T11:24:00.002-06:002009-11-04T12:14:51.941-06:00Return of Alice Teaser<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYAyz4SiHGhTIrKsKoZA00PqzeHBkI90zoqom6fKE9cjjXdUOGq-AulQoyuzjkXOjTA8cmuPTrTPae-5Oz1vNOEMr59oHTzY7SVpkVpWbSZQiuQ0Dh6V-qlUYBKL7zkWfO8FFB6_8oskr/s1600-h/ReturnofAlice.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 367px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYAyz4SiHGhTIrKsKoZA00PqzeHBkI90zoqom6fKE9cjjXdUOGq-AulQoyuzjkXOjTA8cmuPTrTPae-5Oz1vNOEMr59oHTzY7SVpkVpWbSZQiuQ0Dh6V-qlUYBKL7zkWfO8FFB6_8oskr/s400/ReturnofAlice.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399558530145007570" border="0" /></a>The <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/02/off-topic-new-alice-videogame.html">sequel</a> to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_McGee%27s_Alice">American McGee's Alice</a>, a third person horror-action game based on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Adventures_in_Wonderland"><span style="font-style: italic;">Alice's Adventures in Wonderland</span></a>, just got a new name (Return of Alice), a vague release timeframe (2011), and a teaser trailer:<br /><br /><object height="246" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/j9xu5I5ISTQ&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/j9xu5I5ISTQ&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="246" width="400"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">UPDATE 11/4: </span>Oh snap! It's not quite a hoax, but it's not quite official either. It turns out the above video exists in a quantum state of truthiness. According to <a href="http://www.americanmcgee.com/wordpress/2009/11/04/return-of-alice-video-madness/">Mr. McGee himself,</a> the teaser was done by a fan and in no way represents... anything at all. No word on whether or not the title or release timeline are in any way accurate.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651684929716692567.post-71824901587414494422009-10-28T20:05:00.001-05:002009-10-28T20:09:38.061-05:00Cronenberg in Context: The Brood (1979)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwp9uhuhGBSlGsi9RVoec2b8FyPsd_ErROFNHSIxvkU4LTciJOeIKRhCcoPj_19fNaSib8kxHfkJ_F1FXTGfWYRdiPDyYTIvnWSHVGoAzXMLQEfOdcdJhMtuCcsVC4llSEs4euPOSTH7R1/s1600-h/BroodCover.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 279px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwp9uhuhGBSlGsi9RVoec2b8FyPsd_ErROFNHSIxvkU4LTciJOeIKRhCcoPj_19fNaSib8kxHfkJ_F1FXTGfWYRdiPDyYTIvnWSHVGoAzXMLQEfOdcdJhMtuCcsVC4llSEs4euPOSTH7R1/s400/BroodCover.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397711805437328194" border="0" /></a>While not perfect, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brood"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Brood</span></a> is Cronenberg's finest pre-<span style="font-style: italic;">Videodrome</span> work, and can probably be thought of as his most generally 'Cronenbergian.' It has the human body being altered through the power of the mind, creepy reproductive/sexual undertones, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_A._Silverman">Robert Silverman</a>. Partially inspired by the director's own brutal custody battle, the film tells the story of a family torn asunder by its emotionally unstable matriarch, who has been whisked away by a radical psychotherapist who is more interested in using her to advance his research than actually curing her.<br /><br />That research is in Psychoplasmics, the study of effects on the body caused by emotional states. In typical Cronenberg fashion, a minor character (a police psychologist in this case) inadvertently explains the film's premise long before the audience has enough information to realize it. Referring to the protagonist's young daughter, who has just been traumatized by the brutal slaying of her grandmother, he proclaims "These things tend to express themselves one way or another. I've seen five year olds ... with ulcers as bad as any middle aged business man." By itself the sentence is fairly innocuous, but the film surrounding it expands that premise to the point of having a woman <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parthenogenesis">asexually</a> produce creepy mutant babies via her severe rage problems. Like <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/10/cronenberg-in-context-videodrome-1983.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Videodrome</span></a> and the <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/08/pontypool-motif-of-harmful-sensation.html">motif of harmful sensation</a>, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Brood</span> takes a common sense idea, that emotional stress can cause a physical reaction, and stretches it deep into speculative fiction territory.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3NHeyDnUxVSbzuqBeVrMghiTYMKq4q5z3070tAEZEkJdBUfVhxQ2oDnK6BMTbdIe7Am-KXST2nka0DuoPv8Lm1Ypq7zKP05HDBC1A4HelG4M2CP0zRO7bz2m5qYdkeZ71HJ3eLRgwLAZH/s1600-h/Broodlings.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3NHeyDnUxVSbzuqBeVrMghiTYMKq4q5z3070tAEZEkJdBUfVhxQ2oDnK6BMTbdIe7Am-KXST2nka0DuoPv8Lm1Ypq7zKP05HDBC1A4HelG4M2CP0zRO7bz2m5qYdkeZ71HJ3eLRgwLAZH/s400/Broodlings.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397818121864611186" /></a>Since I've <a href="http://www.videoupdates.net/2009/02/too-many-children.html">previously rambled</a> about the film, here are some bullet point reasons for you to add it to your Netflix queue:<div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The late, great </span></span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oliver_Reed"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Oliver Reed</span></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">:</span></span> England's heaviest drinking thespian plays the ethically challenged super-psychiatrist responsible for Psychoplasmics. For the most part it's a soft spoken role couched in rationality and passive-aggressive therapist talk, but he really takes off during the roll playing sessions involved in his radical treatments. The film begins with him and a simpering patient demonstrating Psychoplasmics for an audience in a manner strongly reminiscent of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabuki">Kabuki</a> theater. (A style Cronenberg would later explore in his adaptation of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M._Butterfly"><span style="font-style: italic;">M. Butterfly</span></a>.) With accelerating anger, Reed plays the role of the patient's father, emasculating and humiliating him until the rage manifests as gross boils all over the man's body.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNdLMYi1hjYPrkkMM6_yrv5yk5JeJCufdYSdvJQL88Tr3M2f6rdvFf-2vk1T0uaiNe_WyB3Z57VlqN9F2eMLwKJYHLFsQ1FQuTwEubsjTEw8ciph1FVkh8BUik1sYNQLWvlidZvPd7W_TU/s1600-h/PsychoPlasmics.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNdLMYi1hjYPrkkMM6_yrv5yk5JeJCufdYSdvJQL88Tr3M2f6rdvFf-2vk1T0uaiNe_WyB3Z57VlqN9F2eMLwKJYHLFsQ1FQuTwEubsjTEw8ciph1FVkh8BUik1sYNQLWvlidZvPd7W_TU/s400/PsychoPlasmics.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397818111620392098" /></a>Plus, we get to see exactly how many children it would take to down the famously pugnacious actor:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdDQRB4oGDkKcslUAkXCfOOYPqEtsP9c63vnGF1fvYD9eZjahFoDI6UMNtazlw9NbFudXRRF1mT-8iBws9DSfATfamfVqVB-GuGVdfEaRtFQnJ6oO2RUem9pXTGZhSeSx1vwlIX4ofm5_/s1600-h/ChildrenVSOliverReed.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdDQRB4oGDkKcslUAkXCfOOYPqEtsP9c63vnGF1fvYD9eZjahFoDI6UMNtazlw9NbFudXRRF1mT-8iBws9DSfATfamfVqVB-GuGVdfEaRtFQnJ6oO2RUem9pXTGZhSeSx1vwlIX4ofm5_/s400/ChildrenVSOliverReed.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397818124123034946" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Kindergarten Beatdown:</span> </span>In the second most shocking scene in the film, a kindergarten teacher with the absolute worst haircut late '70s Canada has to offer gets singled out by a pair of snowsuit clad broodlings when their "mother" begins to see the woman as a rival for her ex-husband's affections. Passing for kids at a distance they easily sneak into the classroom and arm themselves with little wooden hammers. They then proceed to beat the teacher to death (not an easy task, considering their size and weapon choice) in front of all her students. Some of the kids' "traumatized" faces are absolutely priceless. (Imagine the therapy bills. Yikes)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZHlWtcqCUNmhJ36JU7rS6qhk9p36sRWDL7ySpH6-QVPLUVkc8EFzuVTK_WgOIragSwWYYWvU7ufHt2lGVNZDEsm6EwygB4Jw7MYN-MDs3AOTsZgEQrQ9tIyOH32-yx2nsm0U8yKCBXl4C/s1600-h/OhNoes.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 221px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZHlWtcqCUNmhJ36JU7rS6qhk9p36sRWDL7ySpH6-QVPLUVkc8EFzuVTK_WgOIragSwWYYWvU7ufHt2lGVNZDEsm6EwygB4Jw7MYN-MDs3AOTsZgEQrQ9tIyOH32-yx2nsm0U8yKCBXl4C/s400/OhNoes.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397818112040991442" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Laid Back Canadian Police:</span></span> Not only does the sudden appearance of brutal midget murderers get no reaction from the cops other than "We weren't looking for anything that small," but the coroner explains the inner workings of a dead broodling with the calm demeanor of someone who autopsies previously unknown species of mutant children all the time. They even let the civilian protagonist sit in on the affair.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0_qm-TucNQUrmZqD9F3x2naHyprNvtQeJq3iXOIv_zDoGtDpnwpcYxnRyyZR5EzmmyA2p6d91UPAzs4TCgWXeZmujZaxTSTvUUSKf8LIfVv2Cg1HiD7z2qGwgTcQOkTP-XFfOwTUmbJfC/s1600-h/JustAnotherAutopsy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 223px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0_qm-TucNQUrmZqD9F3x2naHyprNvtQeJq3iXOIv_zDoGtDpnwpcYxnRyyZR5EzmmyA2p6d91UPAzs4TCgWXeZmujZaxTSTvUUSKf8LIfVv2Cg1HiD7z2qGwgTcQOkTP-XFfOwTUmbJfC/s400/JustAnotherAutopsy.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397819087390021906" /></a>"Oh look, some sort of grotesque midget monster with no belly button and a life sustaining nutrient pouch to make up for the lack of a digestive system. That's probably the scientific discovery of the decade, if not century. I'd better calmly explain it to the son in law of the people it murdered instead of frantically calling National Geographic or the Weekly World News. Man, I'm hungry. I wonder what's on TV right now?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Terrible </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_for_night"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Day-for-Night</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">:</span> </span>The Psychoplasmics research center is a fascinating slice of Canadian modernist architecture and is an easily readable location in the film. However, many scenes there take place at night, and without a massive budget for lighting, the film needed a way to show the building's distinctive silhouette for nighttime establishing shots. This is the result:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsWE-XuzPyAaliCnlXxEgKhaO_RrthpxCQ3_JmpmbYYcp0FJbgSckZG_qQwGcgdd0JMsgs3hhvLRbJEkOSD6AVpSp28xZBflrFGnGb3LVI3C-ISE9FYLck0sWvn7IPMrf1Dp3VeK5i55ST/s1600-h/BadDayforNight.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsWE-XuzPyAaliCnlXxEgKhaO_RrthpxCQ3_JmpmbYYcp0FJbgSckZG_qQwGcgdd0JMsgs3hhvLRbJEkOSD6AVpSp28xZBflrFGnGb3LVI3C-ISE9FYLck0sWvn7IPMrf1Dp3VeK5i55ST/s400/BadDayforNight.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397818118724174162" /></a>The dusk photography and gradated blue filter makes for a nice try, but nothing can hide the fact that the shot breaks a cardinal day-for-night rule: never show the sky. It's a dead giveaway that you're using photographic trickery. (For some truly excellent, albeit CG assisted day-for-night see <span style="font-style: italic;">28 Weeks Later</span>.)<br /><object width="400" height="250"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0tGwzi-mLfU&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0tGwzi-mLfU&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="250"></embed></object></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Note to Minnesota folk: don't forget to check out the last Cronenberg screening at the </span><a href="http://take-up.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">Trylon Microcinema</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;"> this weekend. It's </span><i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fly_(1986_film)"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">The Fly</span></a></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#003300;">!</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><a href="http://www.videoupdates.net">Video Updates</a></div>Frank Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14850057409016456318noreply@blogger.com2